Band Oneshots

A weighted blanket or a person (Kelly Nickel x Tracii Gun)

Tracii felt it as soon as he woke up. That heavy, but still fluttering, feeling in his chest. The pounding of his heart despite, the fact he is still lying still in bed. The constant trembling of his hands.

It felt like a thousand little bees took residence in his body, making it hard to breathe with all of their buzzing an flying around. He just wanted it all to stop. He wanted everything to just calm down. He wanted to feel in control.

He wanted... he tried to take a deep breath, trying to make it go away, only for it to come out shaky. He struggled to breath, what was only adding to the heavy feeling in his cheat.

He tried to wrack his brain to figure out why he was feeling this way first thing in the morning.

He tried to remember if he had a bad dream, No. Was there something he was forgetting? Tracii asked himself next, he mentally went through a list of birthdays, well he'd hadn't forget any of those as Kelly's birthday was months away. Ok so next was anniversaries, what was also a no as there's was two weeks away.

On to work deadlines also being a no as the band wasn't actually working on anything yet then bills that could be due also being a no. The thing being possible doctors appointments, what was a no also.

There was no logical reason for him to be feeling this way, because it wasn't his thoughts that were the problem. His mind was fairly quiet, for once, what was actually really shocking. Rather, this was all in his body. It had decided to throw Tracii into a fight or flight response without having anything to actually fight or flee from. There was no danger, and yet, his body didn't get the memo.

The other half of the bed was empty when he turned to look. Kelly was already up. what wasn't really shocking, Kelly was always awake before him.

Tracii did remembered him mumbling something when they were in bed the night before about needing to get up early as he needed to restring a few of his basses an he may try an write something while doing it. so Kelly should be working today. There was a meeting scheduled in two days to discuss ideas for a new album. But, if he felt like this, getting inspiration was going to be tough. Tough, but not impossible. Maybe if he could distract himself, these feelings would go away.

So, he got out of bed and started his day.

His breakfast usually consisted of coffee and a bowl of cereal. Tracii knew he wouldn't be able to eat with all of the anxiety coursing through him, but a coffee might be okay. Only decaf, though. His heart didn't need to race any faster than it was currently. If it got any faster it may actually just give out on him.

While he waited for his coffee, he set up his laptop on the kitchen table and answered a few quick emails. Then, with a hot mug of coffee in hand, he sat down with is notebook and begun brainstorming. His thoughts were a little erratic and he was finding it hard to concentrate, but a few ideas did come to him. He got down two songs, that were no where near done but it was something.

After working for about an hour, Tracii realized that his anxiety was getting worse. Instead of having trembling hands, his teeth were now practically chattering from how much his body was shaking. He sat back in his chair and took a deep breath. Maybe work wasn't the answer.

Feeling slightly defeated, he got up from the table and walked downstairs.

When he and Keely were designing their house, they had designed a room downstairs for chilling, but Tracii had found it to be his own little sanctuary for times like this. Said room was huge an filled with records an a few books it was essentially a massive music room. Not only did the room not have any windows, but they made sure to add extra sound proofing so they wouldn't get any complaints from their neighbours. Now, Tracii was completely isolated from the outside world.

With the lights dim, the room now had a soft, warm glow. Tracii turned on the the record player and searched for some relaxing music. He found a favourite of his, Hurt me by Johnny Thunders, placing the records on the player he turned on. No one would have been able to tell that busy, los-Angeles was on the other side of the wall.

As he laid on his back on the worn out sofa, Tracii closed his eyes and tried to time his breathing to the music. The music was calming, almost ethereal, but his heart was still pounding. He wondered if this could count as exercise.

He wasn't sure how long he had been laying there for, when the door slowly opened. It was Kelly wondering where he was.

"Sorry," he whispered, once he saw Tracii buried under the blanket with the music softly playing. "I'll leave you alone."

"No, come here." Tracii wrangled his arms out from under the blanket and made grabby hands like a child at Kelly. "Lay with me."

Kelly couldn't help but to gave him a soft smile and walked over to the sofa.

Tracii lifted the side of the blanket for Kelly to crawl under. Once Kelly had situated himself on top of Tracii chest, Tracii draped the blanket over both of them. The feeling of Kelly's weight on him was comforting, and he let out a content sigh as he felt his body start to relax and unwind.

It was like the ultimate weighted blanket.

"Bees or drills?" Kelly asked quietly, as if the tempo of Tracii heart an the slight trembling of his body hadn't already given it away.

"Bees."

Tracii would have almost preferred the drilling pain of a migraine to this. At least with a migraine, he could take pain killers and try to sleep the pain away. He couldn't do that with his anxiety. His brain wasn't going to let him fall asleep to try and escape it.

He knew there was medication that could help him with this. Kelly was constantly telling him to talk to his doctor so he could get a prescription, even going so far as to offer to make the appointment for him. But, Tracii being Tracii kept putting it off. The thought of getting confirmation that he had an anxiety disorder was too much for him to handle most days, so he just tried to ignore it. Unless it was one of those days where it was impossible to ignore, like this one.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"Didn't want to bother you," Tracii mumbled, rubbing his fingers lightly over Kelly's back.

Kelly tilted his head up and kissed along Tracii's jaw.

"Your never a bother love," he whispered.

Tracii closed his eyes again and focused on the pattern of Kelly's breathing.

In, one, two, three, out, one, two, three. It seemed to be calming him down in the moment. With each breath he could tell that he had already stopped shaking, but, he wasn't sure if the tightness in his chest and his fast heart rate would still be there after he left the room. He hoped not. But, he tried not to dwell on that thought. Worrying about his own anxiety was making him feel worse. He needed to just lay here in the moment with Kelly.

There was no telling how long it would take for this to pass... an hour, a day, or maybe even longer than that. One thing was for certain though, Kelly really was a pretty great weighted blanket.