My venting book + Stories(?)

My gender dysphoria

I don't know my own gender. At first I thought I had it all figured out, a pansexual female. Before that, when I was 8 years old I just found out what sexuality was and how you can change genders. I just wanted to know how to fit in and know who I was. So when I was 8 I thought I was bisexual. And I only thought that because I thought that Raven from Teen Titans and Gwen from Total Drama Island and other cartoon women were hot. I mean, I still do but that's not the point. When I started my first year of middle school I found out that there were more sexualities than just straight, bisexual, lesbian/gay. And during the Summer between 6th and 7th grade, I found out I was pansexual. I also thought I only had a preference for women but that changed when one of my friends (that at the time I had a small crush on) came out as non-binary. I actually did a LOT of research about genders and sexualities just so I could figure myself out but clearly I didn't research enough because I'm still confused. So currently I don't know my own gender, I am still very much am pansexual and I actually don't have a preference at all. And with the situation with the guys at my school, I feel like that is soon going to confuse me about my sexuality again. I wonder if there is a sexuality just for women, non-binary/gender neutral because I feel like I would be that but I have conflicted feelings for guys. Anyways, I thought I was a female until my therapist (this year) asked what my gender was. To make thing clear this year was the first time I've done therapy so she knew nothing about me. It took me like 10 seconds before I could answer female. I have all the female body parts, I act feminine at times but sometimes I don't want to be a female. Like sometimes I want to be a male. And then other times I don't even want a gender. So I don't know my gender at all right now. My pronouns are she/they but I'm actually fine with whatever pronouns. I feel like the pronoun thing started because in 7th grade, a percentage of my school thought that I was a feminine guy or something like that. And this year, the guy who was texting me about the 'I like you' , he kept confusing my pronouns for a guy. Like he would text people during class and refer to me as a guy. And personally, it's not helping me at all. I doubt I'm gender fluid but I honestly don't know because everything is just so confusing right now.