My venting book + Stories(?)

July 9, 2023

TRIGGER WARNING: Death, Sexuality

I meant to post this on the sixth but clearly I didn't. So from my last chapter, you might know why I forgot to. If you didn't read it, basically my friend said a bunch of things and I thought that he was going to...kill himself. I was shaky and panicky while I was writing it so sorry if you couldn't understand. I tried putting a summary in case you didn't but I don't think it helped. Every time I tried to call or text, he wouldn't answer and with the last thing he said to me was "nobody else does the things that you do to me"

Without context that sounds a little weird but I was comforting him after he told me that his best friend died. He told me that he stopped eating, stayed in his bed all day, planned on giving his things to his friends for no reason, and said he started to get thoughts of, y'know. We were basically each other's therapist and always helping each other. But this time it felt different because he was in such a dark place.

I tried to tell my family about it but since they only knew what I told them (the only thing I told them was that he was in a band and had $4000 that he didn't care about spending) they tried to gaslight me into thinking that everything was okay. They literally told me lies about him, and again, they knew nothing about him. As someone who actually knew him, I was obviously angry. I kept trying to call him, all day, and he still didn't pick up. Then the next day, his number was no longer active. I know that literally means nothing but if you were in my situation you'd be freaking out too right???

Anyway, here's the update. He's probably dead. It's pretty bad to assume that he's dead but it's not like he got a new phone. He literally got a new phone like two months ago. He has not texted me on another number. As far as I know, I didn't do anything that would make him upset at me. And he STILL hasn't texted me. I need help.

I'm going to stop writing for a while now. I need a break. But also I might get my phone taken away for no reason too. But I have a health condition where I need my phone and my dad knows this and still tries to take away my phone. Why is it always dads that act like this?!? If you couldn't tell, I have daddy issues.

I know my mom says he 100% supports me and my older sister but, for a while now, he's been acting KINDA homophobic. I don't know if saying this would help or make this worse but, he's a person of color (mixed), has two gay daughters, and he doesn't like to talk or even acknowledge our sexuality. I know this doesn't make him homophobic but I feel like I shouldn't say the reason why I think he's homophobic.

I haven't even came out to him. The only person I actually came out to was my sister because we all know she's bisexual. My mom knows but that's only because last year I kept sending her of pride flags, begging her to buy them. She eventually got the hint and I have two pansexual flags around my room. Sometimes when we talk, I just randomly bring up my sexuality. I don't directly tell her about all my crushes but I constantly talk to her about Tiffany Valentine. (Don't get me started unless you want me to rant)

I know that's random but that's all I wanted to talk about...for now. I might update sometime this week but probably not. Also I finished like two oneshots on my other book so I'll try to remember to post them.

Have a nice day/night <3