Regal [h.s]

Chapter Forty

"No words appear before me in the aftermath, salt streams out my eyes and into my ears"

♔ ♔ ♔

This chapter includes: mentions of miscarriage/vaginal bleeding and medical intervention.

Take it at your own risk.

Harry

I had been up all night worrying incessantly about Amalia. Something was wrong and I could sense it. I couldn't sleep out of the fear she would just slip away or something would happen whilst I was out cold. I needed to be there for her and I was no use if I was away in my dreams.

So I spent all night hovered over her and Cosy, the two of them were cuddled into each other and I just watched their chests rise and fall all night.

Until I snapped out of whatever reality I was trying to live and I realised that I needed to get Mar seen by a professional tomorrow. I couldn't live another day like this.

And my panicked mind phoned my mum at three in the morning, begging her for help and guidance of what to do. She was there when I needed her most and I had my mother back. I wasn't sure if she was in it for the long run, but she was there in my hour of need when I was frantically googling what could be wrong with Marlie.

I didn't like the answers.

She, of course, told me to take her to a doctor as soon as I could, she offered to come and look after Cose for the day and I for some reason, agreed.

My mother was someone that Cosy had never met. Cose didn't even know of her existence and yet I was about to hand my child off to my mother without a second thought. I wish it could be like that, but my mother is a complete stranger to Cose. I can't leave her with someone she doesn't know.

I don't need to be worrying over both of them. I'll be grey by the time I'm thirty if I keep this up. But I would parade with silver hair if it meant my girls were safe and loved.

The plan still stood of my mother coming to take Cose for the morning or perhaps the day, depending on how long Mar and I were going to take, but I was going to call it off as soon as the sun started to rise. I couldn't bother my mum again, not during such unsociable hours.

I was just so unsure of myself and if I was doing the right thing.

No one gives you an instruction leaflet on how to raise your children and look after the love of your life. You're just expected to know it all and make the right choices.