Regal [h.s]

Chapter Sixty

"Times just sand slipping past, we want to hold it in our hands, but no one ever sees what falls through the cracks"

♔ ♔ ♔

Amalia

Motherhood was the most beautiful journey I had ever been on. It was like everything I had ever dreamed of wrapped up into one beautiful package, well in my case, two beautiful little packages.

It was scary and terrifying and most days I didn't know what the hell I was doing, but god I was happy, I was so happy. Even though some days were often filled with anxieties and stormy thoughts, all it took was one look at my beautiful babies and life made sense. The chaos in my mind was calmed and it was peaceful.

My girls were peaceful.

I had spend the past two nights just watching dinky sleep whilst I should've been sleeping myself, I just couldn't help but stare at her beauty and take in every tiny feature of hers. I wanted to remember these moments forever. I want to always remember how softly she breathes and how her little eyes twitch whilst she's dreaming.

She was just gorgeous.

She was a perfect escape from my world outside.

The news broke on Boxing Day that my father had passed away in hospital after an illness had attacked his system. It was a hard blow to actually see it written online and plastering every news headline. The world was in a state of shock and I think was too for a little while.

Harry tried his best to distract me as much as possible, we went on a lot of walks around our grounds, we spent every moment with Cosy and dinky, we watched films, baked cakes, played dress up, and even poor little dinky was roped into that one with a tiara sitting wonkily on her head.

If only she knew the life that was waiting for her.

Frankie had been a great help too, she had spent a day in London visiting our family and paying her respects, she was seen wearing all black whilst she mourned our loss and her picture was everywhere.

That's when I made my decision that I didn't want anything to do with this. I didn't want to attend the funeral, I didn't want to show my face to even pay my respects. Not when I saw how the media were ripping my sister apart for letting her straight faced demeanour wobble for the slightest of seconds.

I didn't want that. I don't think I could give up my peace even for my father.

I could pay my respects at home, I could send my love from home. I could mourn in peace and privacy, just like we should be.