Regal [h.s]

Chapter Sixty Two

"No matter where I go, everybody stares at me"

♔ ♔ ♔

Trigger warning: this chapter includes negative talk of body image.

Harry

The countdown to the funeral and Cosy's birthday was on and the stress within the house was running high. I swear Marlie was losing her mind as every hour ticked by.

Not only was she trying to plan a three year old a birthday celebration with our closest family and friends, she was trying to make everything perfect for Cosy and all she wanted was for our daughter to be happy. But she was also taking care of Ottie who was ten days old as of today. And on top of all of that, she was also piecing herself together for a funeral that was happening in three days time.

She was falling apart as she attempted to build herself up and I tried so desperately to keep her spirits high like they have been recently, I'm holding onto her for dear life, begging her not to slip back into that dark place that she's become so familiar with.

She's changed for the better and she can get through this, it's just another bump in the road and this time next week, hopefully none of this will even matter.

In a weeks time, Cosy will already be three, the funeral will be over and she doesn't have to keep flicking through the same black clothes, standing in front of the mirror and analysing every flaw she can pick at.

It didn't help that she was only ten days postpartum and squeezing into a dress that highlighted her stomach. It didn't make her feel good about herself and it made my heart hurt for her.

All I wanted was for her to be happy. I wanted her to be comfortable and to feel comfortable in her own skin, and at the moment that just wasn't the case.

"Do I look fat in this?" Marlie runs her hands over her stomach for the millionth time and stares at herself from all angles in the mirror.

I was just so glad that Cosy wasn't here right now to hear her mum say such things about her body that had carried two beautiful babies and held her up when times were tough. Her body is amazing and it breaks my heart that she isn't able to see it that way.

If either of my daughters ever stare at themselves in the mirror and turn away in disgust at their body, I swear I'll be there ready to tell them all of the beautiful parts about them. No woman, or anyone for that matter, should ever have to stand in front of a mirror, run their hands over their curvier parts and beg for their body to change.

It unsettles me.

"Marlie" I speak her name clearly, but not loudly as I'd hate to wake Ottie who was sleeping soundly in my arms. "You are not fat- I hate that word" I cringe and pull my nose up. "You are beautiful and your body is beautiful- you just had a baby- give yourself some slack" I try to explain to her, just like I've been trying to explain to her for the past few days.