To Be Loved... (BOOK 1)

Fire and Water

Wooyoung's POV:

I've been a mess for the past week. I can't eat. I barely sleep. Constant panic attacks, which I never have. And I'm always crying. I haven't showered because water is somehow triggering for me. I can't do anything.

I ruined Hyunjin's life. No one will ever be the same because of it and it's my fault. How am I supposed to live with myself now?

San was afraid I was going to scream at him for telling Minho and Jisung everything. But in reality, it's me that needed to be screamed at. He's been over every day. The second we get out of school, he comes with me and spends the night.

"Baby, please. I'll go in with you." San was trying to get me to shower. I know I should, but it's a terrifying thought for me at the moment.

"Do I smell bad?"

"No, actually you don't." He tried to think. "How about a bath. The water will be beneath you instead." That was the fear; feeling like I was drowning. "Like I said, I'll go in with you and make sure you're okay."

I finally accepted. He filled the bath up with water for the both of us. I don't think I would've been able to get this far if it weren't for him. He's been so patient with me since this all started. Even though it's gradually gotten worse and worse, he's always been by my side.

I pressed my back onto his chest as the bath water met right beneath our chests.

"Thank you, Sannie." I whispered with my eyes closed. He kissed the back of my head and reached for a tiny cup to fill with water. I didn't feel comfortable submerging myself so this was the second option. He covered my forehead to block any water from getting in my eyes as he poured the cup over the rest of my hair. "I need to get a haircut." I sighed.

"What did you have in mind?" He started to massage my scalp with shampoo.

"I'll keep the black and blonde."

"Good, I love it."

"I'll just cut it a little shorter."

The process of washing my hair continued. He was gentle with his touches and tried his best not to get any soap or water in my face.

"Wooyoungie, I hope you know I'll always take care of you." He kissed my shoulder to mark where he'd rest his chin. "I know this week has been really hard for you. But just keep reminding yourself what he said. He wants things to go back to normal."

"Back to normal means a lot of things that I know won't happen." I know he knew that too so he stayed quiet.

In my mind, if Hyunjin is back at this parents house, it unravels even more. I watched Minho stay with them the entire time and he seemed to be eating up every little thing they told him. If I'm being honest, I wouldn't be surprised if Ms. Hwang made up all those lies because she didn't think he'd make it; there would be no one to contradict her stories.

I know they're going to manipulate and brainwash him the best they can so he never leaves that house again. The hair is a start. Hongjoong told me it was his mom's idea and took him to get it done. They're going to butter him up and make him feel wanted. I don't care how sorry they pretend to be, I'll never believe a word they say. An apology is fruitless coming from their mouths.

"Hyunjin needs to get away from his parents." I whispered. I started to graze my fingertips across San's arm as it relaxed us both.

"You can't do anything about it though." I told San to be excruciatingly honest with me from now on. I need to start listening to him and stop thinking I know what's best. He thinks logically and I think emotionally, sometimes someone with their head screwed on tight should be the one to make decisions.

"Then who can? Felix?"

"I know Hyunjin said what he said to you both, but he probably wasn't thinking straight. I think the initial shock of seeing you and Felix that emotional got to him in that moment. But when he comes back home, you need to expect the worst."

"Do you not have any optimism whatsoever?"

"Would you say Hyunjin is a stubborn person?"

"Kinda?"

"Then there you have it. This could go in any direction. It's possible he'll come back and all is forgiven, or maybe he'll only talk to you and not Felix, maybe he won't talk to either of you, or maybe he'll talk to Felix and not you. It could be any of those." If he talked to Felix and not me, I'd understand. I'd be absolutely devastated but not surprised. "But you need to let it run its course, Youngie. Now is the time that you're supposed to let him figure it out on his own." He tapped the side of my arm twice, wanting us both to stand up. He washed my body down for me and sighed. "But you and Felix can't get upset when he feels more comfortable around me and Minho. And if he gets closer with Jisung again after this, you need to understand why."

It was a hard pill to swallow, but of course he's right. I just want this torture to end.