To Be Loved... (BOOK 1)

The Eve

Felix's POV:

Wooyoung wanted to get everyone together tonight for some reason. Hyunjin is supposed to come home tomorrow and none of us knew what to expect. Minho has actually stayed in contact with his mom and she's given him updates. She doesn't know I'm his brother from what we can tell and he introduced himself as one of Hyunjin's best friends. That was a smart move to make, but it is Minho after all.

Hyunjin stayed a bit longer than anticipated. That made everyone worry even more than we already do. We were nervous he was going to end up spending his birthday there too.

"I remember when Sunghoon left the mental hospital the first time." You could hear the agony in Hongjoong's voice with the mention of his younger brother. I remember Sunghoon. He was only in middle school when it happened. It's crazy to think someone so young could feel things so awful, but unfortunately I've been there myself at that age. "He was ten. He tried to suffocate himself with a pillow while I was in the shower. But we shared a room so when I came in, he was completely unconscious and pale. I remember screaming for my parents. My dad gave him mouth to mouth until the ambulance finally got to the house and took him to the hospital. When he finally came home, it was like he was even worse than before. He was smart enough to trick all the doctors into believing he was okay and that he was just playing a game. He told them he didn't know he would suffocate like that. But he knew. Then when he was twelve, he tried to bleed to death. But he didn't lock the door so I thought he subconsciously wanted to be found. He hated me for saving him. Twice. Then it was just last year, you guys know what happened." Hongjoong seemed emotionally numb to the topic. No tears, his voice was steady. But he held onto Seonghwa as he cried for him. Seonghwa loved Sunghoon like he was his own little brother.

Last year, Sunghoon made sure there was no one stopping him. He died in the most horrific way. I didn't even know it was possible to do that.

"I don't." Wooyoung wanted to know every detail about Hyunjin's new best friend, but I don't think he was ready for this.

"Self immolation." Hongjoong looked sick.

"What is that?"

Hongjoong wasn't able to speak. He was probably reliving everything and seeing visions of his brother.

"He set himself on fire." I answered for him.

Wooyoung covered his mouth and closed his eyes. Images started to flash through my mind of his burning body in the middle of the woods. He was only found because it set off a forest fire. I'm sure once the police and firefighters arrived, the last thing they were expecting was a 13 year old boy at the scene.

"I knew Hyunjin wasn't doing well, but he never acted the way my brother did so I just never thought this would be possible." Hongjoong felt like he let everyone down, I could tell. He's the only one who's experienced this kind of situation and he was just as clueless as the rest of us.

"I still think this was my fault." Seonghwa rubbed his eyes to see clearly. "He asked me to be honest with him and I told him everything he wanted to know. He went straight from Hongjoong's to the bridge."

"We can't blame ourselves anymore." Minho said. "What's done is done. Who Hyunjin feels comfortable around is up to him. In the end, we all played a part in this so there's no reason to point fingers."

As time had gone by, I realized where Hyunjin and I stood was indecipherable. Everything could've changed since then. What if he comes out with a stable mind and believes none of us should be in his life?

"Minho, I don't think you realize how big of an issue his parents are." Wooyoung interjected.

"Trust me, I know."