To Be Loved... (BOOK 1)

Heartbreak Hotel

"Yunho's here." Hongjoong said. Although I'm back at my parents house, I'm still over here almost every day. He's become my closest friend.

"Oh good, I miss him."

He came into the room with a big smile, happy to see us both.

"Hey you, I didn't know you'd be here." Yunho said. "Your hair looks great. You too, Hongjoong." We both said our thanks and sat around the room.

"How've you been holding up?" Hongjoong asked.

He seemed sad once I asked. "Same old. Mingi still hates my guts. What about Seonghwa?"

He sighed and stressfully rubbed his eyes. "I feel like so much time has gone by at this point that he won't forgive me."

I found out that those feelings were in fact reciprocated by Hongjoong. I didn't sell Seonghwa out, but that kiss may have spoken for itself.

"You know Seonghwa, he'll forgive you in an instant." Yunho reassured.

"That's what I've been saying." I nodded.

"Usually, yeah. But we've never had an issue between us before, this is completely different."

The reason Hongjoong reacted the way he did wasn't at all what I expected. Not even close actually. He wasn't disgusted, he was devastated. He thought if Seonghwa had ever given him a chance, he'd want their first kiss to be special. But instead it was a sloppy, drunk action that he believed Seonghwa would find to be a mistake. It was heartbreak, not rejection.

"I think you should talk to him." Yunho shrugged.

"I want to, I really do."

"You guys will be best friends again the second you do that, I promise."

"Yeah, but that's the other issue." He stressed. "I can't go back to that after what happened. For years I've just been his best friend and controlled my feelings for him. But now I got the tiniest bit of the real thing and that's all I'll ever think about. My heart will literally break every time I see him."

"Wait, you like Seonghwa?" Yunho seemed shocked, but I thought it was pretty obvious with how they were at Changbin's party.

"Yes!" He whined and fell backwards on his bed.

"Honestly I thought something was going on between you two so I'm kinda shocked." Yunho pointed two fingers at us. Hongjoong popped right back up and we both stared at him like he was insane.

"What?" We said simultaneously with the most disgusted looks on our faces.

"Yunho, do you know what happened between me and Felix?"

"Yeah, how everyone knows you cheated." He nodded.

I smacked my forehead and shook my head.

"Yunho, please. You gotta believe me when I say this. I didn't cheat and I don't do drugs. I mean who could I possibly cheat on Felix with? It's just insane to me." Yunho widened his eyes and slowly pointed to Hongjoong. "Him?" I laughed.

"Listen, I'm flattered. But I don't like," Hongjoong looked me up and down, I could tell he was judging, "guys like you."

Yunho laughed. I did not find it amusing.

"The fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"First off, you're younger. I don't fuck with younger guys. Second, you look like a little boy."

"You look like a little boy! Are you kidding!" I laughed.

"Which is exactly why it wouldn't work. We can't have two. Seonghwa is a man, he's older, he used to take care of me, he's mature." I could tell Hongjoong was entering la la land. "So hot." He sighed. "And when he has the blonde hair? Oh my god! I love when he has black hair, don't get me wrong. But that platinum blonde." He shook his head. "The fantasies I have."

"Wow." I don't think Yunho ever blinked.

"And I'll have you know something." I pointed my finger towards Yunho. "Felix may hate my guts, but guess what? He is still the most perfect person I've ever laid eyes on. Not a single flaw. Smile? Perfect. Eyes? Perfect. The freckles! Don't even get me started. The hair? Beautiful. Body? Beautiful? Heart of gold. Living sunshine. Pure soul. He is an angel, I swear." Once I blabbered on enough and said the familiar name, my stomach started to hurt again. He was my angel.

"Do you think he'd ever take you back?"

"No." I shook my head, staring at the ground.

"So what do you plan on doing now?"

"I'm living with my parents again and I'm just going to do exactly what I used to do. Stay in my room."

"And hang out with me." Hongjoong interjected.

"And hang out with him." I pointed to my blue haired friend.

"Wow, so no more Jiung and Ryujin."

"If I'm being honest, I didn't even think of Ryujin as the girl who used to hook up with San. To me, she's Yeonjun's girlfriend's best friend. Ryujin brings Jiung along because that's Lia's little brother and they're friends somehow. Soyeon is just friends with Shuhua, but that's it."

"And all you do is smoke?"

"That's all we do." I nodded.

"Never anything else?"

"If I'm being honest with you, the stuff Jiung does scares me. Especially because of how young he is. He always asked me to bring Felix, but I always said he was busy because I didn't want him near that."

"And so what you're saying is that this is the truth and you didn't do anything they're accusing you of?"

"Yunho, you know me. Let's be real, I'm not capable of any of that. I love Felix with all my heart and I'm too afraid to do anything especially after the Huening Kai incident. Felix and Wooyoung are out here ripping me a new one for being this asshole, but never once did either of them confront me about it so I had absolutely no idea. Wooyoung is the type to immediately tell someone they've upset him. Why the hell would I assume I was doing anything if he never said a word? Same goes for Felix."

"I get it." He nodded. "I feel bad for both of you honestly." He took a large sigh and leaned back on his hands. "Can I tell you guys something? But you need to promise not to tell a soul? I've never told anyone." We both nodded. "I've liked Mingi for a few months."

"I knew that." I nodded.

"But I'm not gay."

"You don't have to be. You and Mingi have always been pretty ignorant on the subject." Hongjoong smiled. "Felix and Yeonjun are bi and I'm pansexual."

"Yeonjun's what?" I gasped.

"Don't tell anyone, oh my god. I think we all rubbed off on him a bit. But he loves Yeji, no one is getting between those two." He expressed. "Anyway, sorry for cutting you off. Continue."

"It's okay." Yunho smiled. "But, um yeah. We kissed."

"Yes, we know."

"No." He shook his head. "Months ago. It was kinda like a whole make out session. But we promised never to tell anyone. But that's all it was. Nothing else."

"I knew it!" I exclaimed. "I knew something went on with you two!"

"You were actually the first to catch on." He smiled. "But he even liked Karina back then and told me he wanted to make a move on her. But the more he liked her, the more I liked him. Obviously I hated Karina from day one so I didn't really give a shit about what I did."

Hongjoong and I had our jaws dropped. All three of us are in a terrible position here. How do we even go about fixing it? I don't even know where to start.

"We gotta do something." I sighed, running my fingers through my hair. "Hongjoong, you're the easiest. Swallow your pride and fix it with Seonghwa."

"I can't." He whined and crashed his head on my shoulder to rest.

"You can and you will."

"I say do it." Yunho shrugged.

I'll keep Seonghwa's secret for him. Hongjoong needs to hear it for himself. We need at least some good news.