To Be Loved... (BOOK 1)

Never Let Go

For some reason, I didn't want to let go of Wooyoung's hand as he drove us to his house. While I was away for those couple weeks, I may have missed him the most. I spent more time with him than anyone else so being separated like that was troubling, even given the circumstances.

He continued to hold my hand as we stood in front of the all too familiar household.

"Jinnie, you okay?" Wooyoung looked to me and asked.

"I didn't even say goodbye to your mom. I feel so guilty."

"Shut up, she misses you so much. Don't worry about it."

We finally went inside and walked straight to the kitchen. I wasn't surprised when I saw San talking to Ms. Jung, but seeing Felix was definitely unexpected.

"Come h-" Before I could even finish my small sentence, Felix was already in my arms. "What happened to texting me, huh?" I teased.

"I was going to, I promise." He looked up at me and rested his chin on my chest. He was still just as beautiful as ever.

I heard a throat being cleared so I looked up to see who it was. Of course it was Ms. Jung. I smiled brightly and gently got out of Felix's hold. She stood up from her chair and hugged me tight the same way Wooyoung had earlier.

"I'm so happy you're okay." She whispered.

"I'm sorry." I rubbed her back, trying my best to comfort her knowing how much I've probably put her through.

"Don't apologize, sweetheart. I'm just glad you're still here."

Everyone was sat around the table talking and laughing. Kyungmin and San were having a very, very fair arm wrestling match. Wooyoung was helping his mom make dinner for all of us. And Felix was holding my hand under the table, unwilling to let go.

I'm not sure how it was possible, but I felt like I was falling in love all over again. It was either that or I just missed him an ungodly amount. But I know he wants me to get better first so I'll do everything I can. I need him to know that I only want him.

I couldn't take my eyes off him. I could never forget just how gorgeous he was, but I felt my heart skip a beat seeing it this close.

"Felix." I whispered. He seemed to be in some sort of trance himself. "Lixie." I started to smile as he snapped back to reality. "You okay?" He nodded, but I could tell he was tired. I wish we could just lay in bed together and sleep like we used to. But my parents don't even want me around him so spending the night at my house would be out of the question. Maybe I could convince my parents our breakup was just a misunderstanding. One thing I've realized is I hate sleeping alone. Being able to hold someone close, kiss them every second, and tell them how much I love them every second after that was one of the best feelings. It made me happy. My parents want me to be happy, right? Maybe they'll be okay with it. "Can I talk to you real quick?" We went to Jimin's old room, the room I used to stay in. It looked as if I was never here, but it was because I made sure to take every little thing with me.

"You okay?" He showed his concern the second we were alone and free to talk. But I really didn't want to do that, I needed something else.

"Can you do me a favor?"

"Anything, what's up?"

"Kiss me." A relieving happiness was spread across Felix's face as he held the sides of my face and pulled me in for a deep kiss. I felt a burning sensation in my stomach, reminding me how much I love him. His lips were soft and moved so well with mine. I pulled away and stared at the freckles dusted across his cheeks. "I'm sorry, I hope that wasn't-"

Felix cut off my words and kissed me once more. This time seeming more desperate. I started to walk backwards and eventually fell on the bed with him on top of me.

"I missed you." He pulled away and looked into my eyes.

"I missed you too."

"You did?" He seemed shocked, but also touched.

"Of course I did. Why wouldn't I?"

He nuzzled his head into my shoulder. "Because you didn't say it back earlier." His voice was muffled, but I found it cute.

"What did I say?" I laughed.

"You said 'well I'm here now'." He tried to imitate my voice as he quoted me.

"Oh, that's actually not a bad answer at all."

"It was to me!" He popped his head back up with that perfect smile of his.

"Wow, I didn't think you'd care if I missed you or not." I teased. I could only assume he missed me just a little bit.

He gasped. "How could you say that? I waited every day for you to come home. I missed you so much."

"I just can't imagine why you'd miss me to begin with honestly." I continued to tease him. I thought the way he was getting all flustered was adorable.

"Um, because I love you, that's why." I couldn't believe he actually said it.

I gasped dramatically and flipped us around so he was on his back. "You what now?" I lightly started to tickle his sides, almost as a warning.

"You heard me." The sass was off the charts. Maybe the princess title should be given to him instead of Wooyoung.

"Did I?" The tickling intensified as he started to laugh uncontrollably. It sounded so pure with the way it would crack every few seconds. I was obsessed with the way his eyes slightly crinkled at the sides. "I think you might have to say it again."

"I love you!" He tried to shout as best he could through his constant laughter. "I love you so much and I can't wait!" I stopped immediately, confused by what he meant. "I don't know where you stand with me." He tried his best to steady his breathing. "But I will never make the same mistake ever again, I promise."

"But what about what you said? About me getting better first."

"Can I say something that sounds kinda fucked up?"

"Yes." I smiled.

"If you and I, as individuals, wanted to get 'better', we'd be in our 30's still trying. We're both really fucked up in the head and life has never been fair. But you're the one thing that's made my life perfect. Things got a little rough, but we'll get through it together. I can't just sit around and watch you try your best to fix all your issues just to be with me when I love you for you anyway. I know things aren't perfect right now, but we'll figure it out. Just...give it some thought if you need. But I really want you to give me another chance."

"Give you another chance? Are you serious? I should be the one asking for another chance here." I smiled.

He shook his head and furrowed his eyebrows. "Hyunjin, you needed someone. That should've been me the whole time, but I was too stupid to see it."

"Don't say that about yourself, that's not true." He sighed and laid on my chest. "Felix, if you want us to be together, you can't keep blaming yourself for things like this. We need to move past it."

"We will." He took my arms and wrapped them around his small body, making himself comfortable. "We'll move past it and we'll be happy."

"That last part shouldn't be too hard." I started to rub his back, feeling him relax his body on top of mine.

"Why is that?" His voice was soft, sounding somewhat tired. He was always quick to fall asleep once I started to do this. Sometimes there would be nights where he just couldn't sleep at all, but the second he laid on my chest and I started to rub his back, he was asleep within minutes. He feels safe in my arms.

"Because you've always made me happy. You know I never stopped loving you either."

"I love you, Jinnie. I'm so sorry for everything."

"Felix, you gotta stop apologizing." I smiled. "Everything is gonna be okay. We're okay, right?" He nodded. "Right. As long as you're mine and I'm yours, everything will be alright."