To Be Loved... (BOOK 1)

Epiphany

I stared at myself in the bathroom mirror. No tears, no smile. Just Hyunjin.

Don't you think you should be able to make anything you want? You love flowers because of what they symbolize. It's not about feminine or masculine, it's about love and happiness. That's what made you love art. Being able to express yourself the way you wanted

Because they're lying to your fucking face! How could you be so blind to this? You, of all people, always see right through bullshit

They tried to tell me. First I get upset that they don't communicate, then I get upset that they communicate too much. But the reality was that I just didn't want to face the truth.

My mom didn't lie to me about my paintings because she didn't have something to hang them up with. She just didn't like them. Same way she didn't like anything I've made my whole life.

She didn't take me to get my hair done because she thinks I'm handsome. It's because she hated the way I looked. She wanted me to fit their image. My parents wanted me to be normal. I'm not normal, I've never been.

I love painting flowers because they're pretty. I love creating art that's beautiful, art that reminds me of love. Yet here I am making bodies of water when that's what nearly took my life. They made me throw out all my art to 'start fresh'. I worked so hard to rebuild what they had destroyed in the first place.

Why did I think they finally accepted me when they forbade me to see Felix and Wooyoung? The people I care about the most. The people who have been trying to help me see through my parent's manipulation.

I go into little space in my own god damn home because they're the ones that never made me feel safe. They never made me feel loved. I needed to escape reality to get away from the monsters in the next room.

My parents have never gotten physical with me. How did I let that happen in less than a time span of 24 hours? It's because I let them manipulate me so much to the point where they could've done anything they wanted and I would've accepted it. They succeeded.

It was all making sense to me now. I finally understand. I ran to them because I felt like the people who used to love me wanted nothing to do with me anymore. But that's no longer the case. I don't need my parents. I don't need to please them just to feel loved and accepted. Searching for something in an empty space will drive a person insane.

I went back to the bedroom to see Minho gripping onto Felix's wrists. It looked like he was actually trying to get physical with him.

"Guys." Both their heads snapped towards me. "What do we do first? Dye my hair, tell Wooyoung I'm moving back in, or scream at my parents?"

"Oh my god." Minho let go of Felix so he could run into my arms and hold onto me for dear life.

"Yongbok, have you learned nothing about me?" Minho smiled as he watched us both.

"Shut the fuck up." Felix's voice was muffled as he shoved his face into my chest.

"Hope you know I'm going to college for psychology."

"Minho! Shut up, oh my god!" Felix shouted again.

Minho came over to the both of us and obnoxiously but playfully joined our hug.

"Luckily, you still have three hours before your curfew so I think a couple stops are doable."

The three of us ran to Minho's car and went straight to Wooyoung's.

Hyunjin
Me, Felix, and Minho are coming over

Woo
Busy

Hyunjin
No you're not

Stop being mad at me

Woo
No you made me cry for the millionth time

Hyunjin
Well I apologize

Woo
Say it to my face you coward

Hyunjin
Open the door and I will

Wooyoung opened the front door with a very stern look on his face while Felix was about to go inside, but he stopped him.

"No, I need to hear this first." Princess Wooyoung was in full swing.

"I'm moving back in." I thought that would be better than an apology. Here come the waterworks.

Wooyoung started to tear up and hugged me with all his strength.

"They didn't have the paintings up, did they." He said softly.

"Of course not, my parents are assholes." I smiled.

"Damn right they are!" He exclaimed and dragged me in the house as Minho and Felix followed. "Mom, Hyunjin's moving back in!"

San and Yeosang appeared out of nowhere with ecstatic expressions.

"Is the war over?" Yeosang smiled.

"Jesus Christ, was everyone on the same page with this?" I mumbled to Felix.

"Pretty much. I told you, no one's leaving you again."

"That means we're not leaving you alone either." Wooyoung smiled and locked me in his grip. "Have you told your parents?"

"I have a better idea." I smiled.

Mom and dad are going to love this one.