To Be Loved... (BOOK 1)

Mother

Felix's POV:

"I didn't even bother." Wooyoung shook his head.  "I'm glad things went well when you saw him though."

I came over after school since San was at the gym with Yeosang and he was lonely. My conversation with Minho will have to wait until later tonight.

"Is your plan to avoid him?"

"No, I'm just still upset with myself."

Wooyoung still struggles. Everyone else has forgiven themselves and moved on for the most part, but he seems to be the only one getting worse.

"I think you should talk to him." I shrugged. "I was terrified until Beomgyu literally shoved me over to him and I'm really glad he did. He's still Hyunjin, he's not a stranger."

"I'm just not ready." He was disappointed in myself. I knew he wanted to be stronger, but I think he just needs an extra push.

"Put it this way. The longer you avoid this, the longer he stays in that house."

That got him.

He popped his head up from his hands and looked like he was ready to go on a mission.

"Minho asked me about something Hyunjin used to do."

"When? Today?" He nodded. "That could be what's been bothering him all day."

"Hyunjin would go into a different type of headspace when he'd paint sometimes; but it would only happen at his house. He stopped immediately once he moved in with me."

"What kind of headspace?"

Wooyoung was deep in thought, trying to come up with a simple explanation. "Less like Hyunjin and more like a very pure minded, innocent person. But it wouldn't be on purpose, it was a trauma response."

The more I found out about Hyunjin and his life at home, the worse I felt. Just when you thought you'd heard it all, there always seems to be something else lurking around.

"Why didn't he tell me that?" I was somewhat upset that I never knew. I would never judge him for something like that.

"Anyone who has ever known about it are people who have witnessed it. He doesn't talk about it because majority of the time he doesn't realize he even does it." Wooyoung was back in thought. San strictly told him to stop planning things, but I don't think he can stop himself. "If you don't hear from me in two hours, assume I'm in trouble and call." He grabbed his car keys and walked out his room.

"Where are you going?"

"To a window." He smiled and left the house.

"Ms. Jung." I whined and slid my feet on the ground. "Wooyoung just left."

"Where'd he go?" She looked up from laundry she was folding.

"Hyunjin's."

She was pleasantly surprised. Their relationship has been really rocky ever since Wooyoung kicked Hyunjin out of the house. Hopefully this will help.

"I'm glad you were able to convince him. Have you seen Hyunjin yet?"

"I was with him a little bit today actually." I smiled, remembering every little detail. "If it didn't go as well as it did, I wouldn't of pushed him."

The front door opened and it was San. He practically lives here now for Wooyoung's sake.

"Hey, mom." He walked passed her and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. "Sup, Felix." He waved as he walked away to the bathroom.

"Well doesn't he fit right in." I laughed.

She rolled her eyes and smiled. "I forget he's Wooyoung's boyfriend all the time." She finished a pile of clothes and had them folded perfectly. "Sannie!" She shouted. "I have your laundry here." He came right out of the bathroom with a toothbrush hanging out his mouth.

"Thank you." He said with a muffled voice. "Where's Wooyoung?"

"Hyunjin's." I answered.

His eyes nearly popped out of his head. He rushed to his shared room with Wooyoung to place down his clothes and then finished brushing his teeth before coming back over to us.

"Since when?"

"You came home maybe five minutes after he left."

San seemed slightly nervous but also relieved. I know the extents he's gone recently just to take care of Wooyoung so this is definitely a huge deal.

"Well, I'll be ready." He sighed. I knew it was draining for him, but he also loves Wooyoung so he'll do anything. I'm sure he's hoping this will help, but you never know. "You know, when we were all together the other night, Jisung told us something that may be helpful." I knew exactly what he was about to say and I already thought it was a good idea.

"Which was?" She asked.

"You are a major part of why he started to realize how terrible his parents were." I said.

"I was?" You could tell that touched her heart. She loves Hyunjin so much. I know she misses him dearly. Wooyoung told me she cried the entire day once she realized he left. According to him, she never cries either. He didn't tell her until she went in Hyunjin's room to see how he was doing, but everything was just gone. When she found out about his suicide attempt, she had to call in sick at her job for three days. She told Wooyoung that she was terrified she was about to lose another son. Even after everything that occurred, Hyunjin is still her family no matter what. He needs to see her.

"Call him." San suggested. "Talk to him and see how he is. It may help him and he won't even realize it."

"Help him with what? I'm so confused."

"Long story short, Hyunjin loves his parents and he thinks they're wonderful people all of a sudden." San scoffed.

I could see the fire burning in her eyes. Just the mention of Hyunjin's parents disgusted her to an unfathomable degree.

"I understand I am an adult and a mother, but I cannot tell you," she whispered, trying to keep herself calm, "how many times I have envisioned myself smacking the living shit out of that woman." She started to take relaxing, deep breaths. "The first time I ever met his mother was at back to school night in middle school when they had every class together. Boys, the things she said about her son, I couldn't believe it."

"What was she saying?" Every time I think I'm ready to hear it, I'm really not.

"Hyunjin struggled in a few subjects and she kept saying how she couldn't believe her son was an idiot." She was absolutely repulsed as she told the horrendous story. "Then the PE teacher came in and talked to the parents. All the parents. But of course, that bitch had to ask in front of everyone how Hyunjin was doing and he told her." She shrugged and shook her head. "Hyunjin was afraid of every ball that came his way and flinched every time he heard the whistle blow. So she goes 'wow, good to know my son is a wimp' and every single parent looked at her like she was insane. The worst was art." She took another deep breath, preparing herself. "Every child had drawn their parents something for back to school night. You know how talented he is, he has a natural gift. But she looked right at it and seemed absolutely disgusted. I asked her if she liked it and she goes 'Hyunjin needs to give up this art thing because this looks like a dog shit on it'. So she threw it out. Then he came over here one time and saw that the one Wooyoung made for me was hanging on the fridge and you wanna know what he said? He said 'my mom said I need to actually try if I want something hung on the fridge'." At that point, her anger couldn't be contained. It seemed like she had so much buried inside, but just never had a reason to let it out. "That boy worked day and night trying to become the best he could be. All he wanted was a fucking picture on the fridge!" She slammed her fist on the washing machine, creating a large bang.

"Mommy?" Kyungmin walked towards us.

"Come here, sweetheart." She sighed, calming herself down immediately. Kyungmin held his arms up for her to lift him on top of the machine. "I don't care what he believes." She whispered, hugging her youngest son. "That is not a real mother."