To Be Loved... (BOOK 1)

Forgive and Forget

"Can I ask you guys something?" My parents and I were sat at the table eating dinner just like we used to. Kkami was already bugging me every second for some of my food which I happily gave.

"Sure." My mom nodded.

"Why did you want me back at the house? You destroyed all my stuff as a punishment." She sighed and looked to my father for help. "I want the real answer."

"We realize...you're a great kid, Hyunjin. Great grades, always out of trouble, never had to worry about drugs or alcohol with you. You just stayed in your room and made art. Every teen goes through a phase, we see you might be going through one and want to be the ones to help. Once we saw you on Christmas, your mother and I both thought that Wooyoung and his family were encouraging you to make bad decisions so we agreed if you ever wanted to come back home, we'd welcome you with open arms." I knew for a fact that Wooyoung's family had nothing to do with my recent decisions, but I wouldn't want to start an argument, especially over someone that told me they wanted nothing to do with me.

"What decisions?" I was annoyed, but I made sure to sound curious.

"The hair." My mom scoffed. "Not a fan of the colors. I told you how handsome you look with your new look." Then she smiled. I guess it's understandable. Most people don't do outlandish colors like that. Not to mention, my parents are old fashioned.

"Would I ever be allowed to go back blonde?"

"If it's short, yes." I was happy a compromise was willing to be made.

"What else is there?"

"Hyunjin, honey, you know we've always known you were gay. We didn't go to those extremes just because you finally had a boyfriend. It seems like that's what you've believed this whole time."

"Why would you tell Jisung's mom you didn't love me though?" Remembering those words said to Jisung that night hurt my heart.

"Sweetheart, please believe us when we tell you we never said that. I know we've hurt you many times and we're both sorry. But I've never told her that. If we didn't love you, there's a lot of things we wouldn't of done for you."

"Like?"

"Kkami is a start." My dad said. That's very true. They knew I was lonely without another sibling so they got me a dog. "We got you everything you ever wanted. All the art supplies you'd ask for, all the clothes. We've provided for you the best we could. I work every single day to take care of this family. To take care of you, Hyunjin. I know we haven't been the best parents, but we want to start fresh. This house felt empty without you here."

"We're sorry for what we did." My mom said. "It was cruel. We were angry by the way you had talked to us that day. You've never talked back to that extent before so we were both taken aback. I don't expect you to forgive us, but please help us understand you so we can be your parents."

Neither of them have ever said such things to me before. It felt genuine and sincere. For years, all I desired was a relationship with my parents. My real, biological family. With Wooyoung and Felix out of my life, it might be ten times easier considering the fact that they didn't like either of them.

"Okay." I nodded, feeling overwhelmed with emotion.

Once we finished dinner, I washed the dishes with my mom. She was shocked by my help, but I had gotten so used to it with Ms. Jung, it's become second nature. My dad went back to the living room with Kkami on his lap as he watched television.

"What happened with Wooyoung? I never thought you'd stop being friends." She actually seemed to care.

"I got mixed up with some people he didn't like and it hurt Felix pretty bad. So he broke up with me over a bunch of stuff that isn't even true. But Wooyoung took Felix's side and kicked me out; told me to never speak to him again."

She shut off the sink and dried her hands.

"Come here, Hyunjinnie." She held her arms out and I felt like crying. She hasn't hugged me in years yet here I was in her arms. "He was never a true friend if that's the case. One thing I know about you is you're not a liar. They should know that too." I nodded and started to silently cry, wetting her shoulder with my tears. "Don't cry, honey." She rubbed my back to comfort me. "You know I always knew they were both trouble." I nodded, willing to believe anything she said.

"I don't mean to make you uncomfortable, but I really loved Felix." I cried, lightly shaking. I felt like talking about my relations with another boy would be too much for her, but I don't have anywhere else to turn. It's a mother's touch that I need.

"I know you did." She sighed. "I saw all your paintings of him. They were beautiful."

"You think so?" I sniffled.

"You may not be an athlete like me and your father hoped, but you're definitely a gifted artist."

"Thank you for saying that."

She pulled away and wiped my tears, holding my face in her hands.

"I'm so sorry for how we've treated you."

"It's okay." I whispered.

I have no other choice but to forgive and move on. I need to experience life without Wooyoung by my side. It'll be hard, but I can do it. Maybe one day I'll find someone almost as amazing as Felix, who knows? It's impossible for me to fix the past so starting from scratch is all I can do.