To Be Loved... (BOOK 1)

Changing Reality

Art by @artskny
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I've felt different these last few days. I think I've done a good job of keeping it together, but I've truly felt like a mess. I've never experienced this much anger before. It's almost as if it's taken over me completely. Christmas had turned around for the better, but once I went home the next day, everything hit me all over again in a different light. I don't miss my parents, I actually hate them. I hope they rot and suffer and I never want to see them again. They were lucky to have a son like me, I see that now.

I refuse to be the same pathetic, insecure person I've been all this time. The old Hyunjin is dead.

"Jinnie, you haven't come out of your room in nearly three days. Are you okay?" Wooyoung poked his head in.

Okay...maybe not dead yet.

I could just be very dramatic, who knows.

"I've had the worst allergies from staying in Minho's room for so long." I sniffled. "It's the damn cats."

Yes, I am being dramatic. But I'm still pretty uptight. I'm just trying to psychologically convince myself that I'm not pathetic and I've needed full concentration which required me to stay in my room. Being sick was not a part of the plan, but I've faced worse battles.

"Do you want me to get you any medicine?"

"Mom got me some Benadryl." He smiled hearing me call Ms. Jung 'mom', but this is a part of the journey. This is my new family and my biological parents mean nothing to me, simple as that.

"You can still come out of your room." He pouted. "I'm lonely."

"Where's San?"

"I forgot he's social and has a life. He's with all his football friends right now." He scoffed and crossed his arms. "Speaking of friends, Changbin is throwing a New Year's party and we're going."

Changbin is way more popular than Minho so the amount of people that will be there compared to the party for his birthday will be astronomical.

"I feel like half the damn school will be there."

"They will be. Be social, talk to people."

"I'm so social, I have no idea what you're saying." I shrugged. He tilted his head and looked at me like I was crazy.

"Yeah, okay. Anyway." He shook his head and blinked quickly, trying to move on. "I'd say the four of us should go together, but knowing you and me, you'll tap out early with Felix and San and I will be black out drunk in the backyard."

"I love how you have this all planned."

"A New Year's Eve party was one of my earliest San fantasies, I know what I'm talking about."

"You're so embarrassing. Does he know about your past obsession with him?"

"First off, it was not an obsession, I was in love. Second, yes he knows. We tell each other everything." He said proudly.

"Does he know about the wedding one?"

"Which one?"

"I think you called it number 45?" When we'd have our sleepovers in my room, he'd feel the need to share in full detail about every fantasy he ever had. At the end, he would always say 'I should write a book or something, I have the best ideas'.

"That's the Disney one. He knows about that one."

"Oh, my apologies." The Disney wedding is where he proposes on some random ride, I can't remember which, and then they get married in front of the castle. He was 15 or 16 when he came up with that one hence the cringe fest. "What's the one where you get married during a zombie apocalypse?" Probably the worst one I've ever heard, but he was proud of the details. And I must say, it was detailed.

"That's 77." So weird. "I kept that one to myself." He mumbled.

"Good." I laughed, feeling that secondhand embarrassment.

"I don't know why you act like you're so much better when you had drawings and paintings of your boyfriend before he was even your boyfriend. Some before you even spoke!" I smacked my hand over my mouth. He's completely right. "Exactly, you freak." He walked over to a new piece I had finished. "Holy shit, is that you?" For the first time ever, I attempted a self portrait. It's a part of the whole 'self growth' thing or whatever you call it.

"It's supposed to be, yeah."

"I mean this in the most friendly way possible," he held it straight out in front of him, "you're so hot." We both busted out laughing. I don't think he's ever referred to me as 'hot' before. "And your art makes you even hotter. You're the mysterious artist, I love it."

"You're so weird."

"Take the compliment or I'll scream at the top of my lungs." He was completely serious.

"Thank you." I laughed.

"I'm still waiting for my fancy little painting." He pouted.

"Alright, alright, I'll get to it."

"Make him blonde or else I don't want it."

"But he's not blonde."

"And you're not either yet you just made this." I do in fact have blonde hair in the self portrait even though I'm still very red.

"What a shame." I sniffled, feeling my nose run.

"Gross." He scoffed. "Get it together, Hyunjin."

"I'm trying, but you're stopping me from getting better."

"Fine, I'll leave you alone then." He sighed sadly.

"For fucks sake, Wooyoung. Just stay and sit somewhere so you don't get sick."

I don't think the dramatics between us will ever end. That's why we make the perfect duo. He'll always be my best friend.