To Be Loved... (BOOK 1)

A Dark Past

Felix's POV:

"What happened last night? Did you just leave?" Hyunjin walked up to my locker seeming rather upset.

"You fell asleep. I tried to wake you up, but you wouldn't budge." That's a lie, I didn't go back to his room. "Wooyoung took me home."

"I'm so sorry, baby. I'll make it up to you." I knew he was sincere, but I wasn't sure if he'd keep his word.

"It's okay." I smiled, pretending it was completely fine.

"We're going out for Valentine's Day, I have it all planned." He seemed excited. If I'm honest, I'm shocked he even remembered what day it was tomorrow considering the fact that he hasn't realized it was two weeks since I had last seen him.

"Really?" I think I was just as excited as him. We haven't been on a proper date in a while. Spending time together is all I want to do.

"Yup." He smiled, proud of himself. "Come here." He wrapped his arms around my waist and bombarded me in kisses. I still loved moments like this. I don't think that'll ever change. Which is exactly why I take advantage of them. They seem like a rarity nowadays. It's either nothing or he just wants to have sex. There's nothing wrong with sex. Hyunjin has always been respectful. Every time I've told him I wasn't in the mood, he's never gotten mad. But I want to spend time with him the way we used to. We'd watch movies, cuddle, and order food. He always thought he was so boring, but I loved how simple he was. "I love you so much."

"I love you too, Jinnie."

"I'll pick you up tomorrow at six. Is that okay?"

"Perfect."

"Perfect." He repeated, pressing his forehead to mine. "I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"Okay."

We parted ways and I actually felt content.

I walked into my first period class and sat in my seat next to Soobin.

"You seem pretty happy for once." He said. "Hyunjin not being an asshole for once?"

I suffer from 'big mouth syndrome'. I'm not necessarily sure why I feel the need to tell everyone my business, but it's times like now where I wish I would've kept my mouth shut. I never want to make Hyunjin look bad, that's never my intention. But what I've told my friends is enough for them to form their own negative opinions.

"Stop, you know I don't like when you shit on him. He's not an asshole. He's just going through a phase." He raised his hands defensively and turned back to face forward.

The only person I haven't told is Minho. Not telling my brother about Hyunjin's new habits has been excruciating, but I know that if I do, he'll never forgive Hyunjin for hurting me.

Felix
Hyunjin said he had something planned for Valentine's Day, I'm shocked

Does San have anything planned?

Wooyoung
He does actually

I better be spoiled or else I'm throwing a fit

Felix
Good

Has Hyunjin told you what he's doing?

Wooyoung
Of course not

Fucking kid doesn't even acknowledge me in my own house you know that

I'm still shocked that Wooyoung hasn't said anything to Hyunjin about the distance between them. I've tried reassuring him that he definitely didn't do anything wrong, but of course he doesn't believe it. In all the years they've been friends, Hyunjin has never distanced himself like this before so it's very new and scary to him.

Felix
I know, I'm sorry

Class was boring so my mind went elsewhere. Thoughts of what Hyunjin could possibly be doing behind my back was haunting me yet again. Everyone I know that could possibly have an interest in Hyunjin was either taken or in love with someone else. Could he have found someone new? Someone better? What if he thought I was the best he was ever going to get, but once he blossomed into this new person, he realized he could do better.

"Felix...Felix...can you tell me the answer?" My teacher called. I panicked, knowing I wasn't paying attention whatsoever.

"I'm sorry Mr. Jeong, I wasn't paying attention." I admitted.

"It's okay, just try and follow along." He nodded. Typically, anyone would be reprimanded, but I'm a good student and he knows that. My adoptive mother made sure to tell every teacher of mine that I have severe anxiety so they let me off the hook for that too. I found it to be an unnecessary gesture, but very thoughtful nonetheless. Her main goal since I've joined the family was to make me feel as comfortable as possible. Anything will beat what my life back in Australia was like.

I've just told everyone my parents got divorced and I ended up in a foster home. Shockingly, the only person I've ever told the entire story to besides Minho would be Wooyoung. One night while we were still getting to know each other, we just ended up trauma dumping. He told me about his dad and his brother and I couldn't believe he ended up being this outgoing, fun loving person. I gained a lot of respect for him that night knowing that he had so much trauma, but he never let it shape him to be this broken person. I figured with that much hardship in his life, I could tell him what I had experienced before being adopted. I knew he'd understand.

So the truth of my story is this: at the age of seven, my dad started to molest me. At that same time, my mom wanted nothing to do with me and only paid attention to my sisters. Yes, I had siblings. An older and one younger. They didn't suffer like I did. My parents loved them. It didn't stop until I was around ten. But for some reason, that's when my parents started to experience issues between them. I never figured out if it had to do with me or not. Was my mom upset that my dad got tired of me? Was it because I got older? I'll never know. But one day, people had come rushing to my house and took me and my sisters away. I'm not sure who made the call. I actually don't even know what happened to my dad. My guess is he ended up in jail. So technically my parents never got divorced. But how else do I go about explaining that in simple terms?

My sisters and I got thrown into foster care. I thought the three of us would stick together, but they did exactly what my mom did. Ignore my existence and act as if they didn't know me. So I was on my own. I didn't make any friends. Cried every night. It almost felt like prison. I watched my sisters get adopted. The people at the facility told the family my sisters had a brother, but they said they already had a son. God forbid they had one more. I was there for almost two years. I had accepted the fact that I would be there until I was eighteen and be let out as an adult. No one wanted me.

But on one crazy day, they had finally called me into a room and said there was a family in South Korea that wanted to adopt me. Hearing that a family in an entirely different country wanted me was exciting yet absolutely terrifying. But they told me they only had one son so I'd have a brother. They wanted another son. I accepted the offer immediately. I was going to be a part of a family for the first time.

I flew to South Korea and met my new family and it felt right. It was perfect. I remember meeting Minho for the first time and he was so shy but already so protective of me. He held my hand the entire car ride home and made sure I knew that he'd beat anyone up that messed with me. Once we had gotten to the house and they showed me my own room, I started to cry.

That's why I told Wooyoung. We're the same. Although we went through traumatic experiences, we never let it change our character because we know there's still love and hope in this world. We know not to give up on people because no one gave up on us.

We're wanted and we're loved.