To Be Loved... (BOOK 1)

Terrified

"I feel like you barely paint anymore." Felix looked through my art, examining each piece.

"You know I've been busy." I yawned, still slightly feeling the effects from before.

"I know." He nodded. "You're Mr. Popular now." He smiled.

"I wouldn't say that."

Felix crawled onto the bed with me and got underneath the covers. I ran my fingers through his hair to push it back from his neck and started to kiss it gently. He went back to blonde which I couldn't be more thankful for. Although he was absolutely stunning with black hair, the blonde will forever have my heart.

"Hyunjin." He whispered. I gripped onto his hip and pulled him closer to me. "Hyunjin." He whispered again.

"Yeah?"

"I'm not in the mood tonight, I'm sorry." I could tell he was beating himself up for it, but I just gave him a reassuring kiss on the forehead. It's been this way the last few times we've hung out. He's just not in the mood anymore. I figured he'd tell me why if it was something serious, but I just assumed he was tired.

"It's okay." I felt myself drifting off. I don't think I can keep my eyes open.

Felix's POV:

He fucking fell asleep.

I shook my head and snuck out of bed. I went right into Wooyoung's room and laid down on the opposite side of him.

Hyunjin has been quite the topic between us lately and not in a good way.

"He's high again." I crossed my arms.

"I figured." He sighed, turning to face me. "I'm sorry."

I'm not entirely sure if Hyunjin knows I'm not an idiot. I don't care if he smokes or not, that's not my issue. My issue is that if he's hiding this from me, what else is there? What else is he doing? Who is he even with? I don't have the answers to anything. Part of that would be because I don't see him outside of school anymore. Tonight was the first time in two weeks and he passed out in thirty minutes.

"I desperately want to say something, but I wouldn't know where to start. I'm shocked you haven't."

"Once he started sneaking out in the middle of the night, I knew there was no point. He'll figure it out on his own."

"The worst part is he has no idea."

This was painful to watch. I'm trying my best to believe this was a Hyunjin thing, not a Hyunjin and Felix thing. I'm slightly terrified he's going to break up with me. But I'd never leave him, I just want to help him. I never understood why he became so obsessed with wanting to change who he was, but of course I supported him. I just don't think anyone saw this coming.

"He's an idiot."

"Don't say that."

"Don't defend someone that's hurting you, Felix."

"But he's not doing it on purpose."

"It doesn't matter."

The reason I came into Wooyoung's room was because he told me he had a breakdown over it in front of his mom earlier. He feels like Hyunjin doesn't even want to be around him. From what he can tell, Hyunjin's been aware of his current emotions, but must believe it has to do with San. Sure, he's been busy, but Wooyoung is happy that he has good people in his life to spend his time with.

"Where's San?" I knew Wooyoung wasn't on my side when it came to Hyunjin's recent actions so changing the subject would be best.

"He's with Yeosang and Jongho." At least he knows who his boyfriend is with. For all I know, Hyunjin...could be cheating on me. The thought immediately made me sick. I started to panic. My hands were shaking, but I forced them down in my lap hoping Wooyoung wouldn't notice. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"Do you think he's cheating on me?"

Wooyoung thought about it which scared me. He couldn't possibly think so, could he?

"I don't know." He shook his head, hating that he didn't know the answer. "I don't think he would. But at the same time, I have no idea who he is anymore." I looked down at my lap with tears welling up in my eyes. "Come here." Wooyoung pulled me close to him and rubbed my back.

"I don't want to assume that's what's going on, but what else am I supposed to think?" I cried.

"He loves you. I don't think that'll change. I think you need to talk to him if you really think that's the case."

I shook my head, afraid of what he'd say regardless if he is or not. He's gotten so defensive every time I even attempt to bring up the tiniest thing about us. He'll just tell me everything is fine and that I shouldn't be worrying about our relationship just because we don't argue. Well obviously the reasoning is because I don't ask anymore.

I just don't know what to do.