To Be Loved... (BOOK 1)

Pure Mind

Minho's POV:

"I'm going to lose my mind. You know I have kept it together this entire time. But oh my god, Jisung, you have no idea how badly I wanted to start screaming!" I was ranting about last night. I picked him up on the way home because for the first time, I felt the need to be supervised. "And now I have to pretend-"

The back door opened and Yongbok got into my car. I don't want him knowing about last night, meaning my conversation with Hyunjin's parents.

"You okay back there?" Jisung asked.

"I'm okay. Just a little anxious." Yongbok answered.

I looked in my rear view mirror and watched as his hands shook uncontrollably. Hyunjin is already going back to school. Who knows how either of them will react if they see each other.

We got to school and watched as Yongbok parted ways with us. I felt like I could breathe again.

"We need him back at Wooyoung's." I wish I had a better plan, but that was all I got. "Anywhere but there because he'll never get better. It's almost as if he's brainwashed. The second he gets out of the house, he's normal. The second he's back in, he's like a little kid. It's weird."

"Isn't there a name for that?"

"I don't want to take it that far so we're not calling it anything. I think it's definitely a trauma response though." I realized it wasn't like this when I first came to the house, the switch occurred once he was painting. "Have you ever seen him paint?" He shook his head. "Shit."

"What, do you think it's related?"

"I think so. I'll have to talk to Wooyoung about it."

The bell rang and we were off to our first classes. I had honors Mathematics with Mingi and Yeosang, but I couldn't imagine them being much help. I guess it won't hurt to ask.

"Yeosang." I whispered as he turned to me. "Have you ever seen Hyunjin paint before?"

"Yeah, why?" He whispered back.

"Did he seem...different to you when he did?"

"It was only one time. But he got really quiet. He seemed less tense too."

Maybe his art is just a stress reliever and it allows him to let loose? That could be all it is. It's possible I'm just overthinking it, but Yeosang's answer isn't enough for me to make a final judgement. I need more. I need to ask Wooyoung. I snuck my phone under the desk and typed as quickly as possible.

Minho
What's Hyunjin like when he paints?

Wooyoung
Quiet and a lot more relaxed

Minho
Has he ever seemed unadulterated to you?

Wooyoung
Big words

Try again

Minho
Like a kid

Wooyoung
Oh his little space? He broke out of that once he moved in with me

So it is what I thought.

Minho
Well it's back and I think I witnessed it first hand last night

Wooyoung
Are you sure? Maybe you're just reading into it too much

I'm not sure what Wooyoung's deal is with me. Maybe this is something he does with everyone. But I figured he'd learn not to question me after the last time I embarrassed him. I'm not wrong. Ever. I may not know every detail of what I'm talking about just yet, but I know I'm onto something.

Minho
Super giggly and smiley, pouting his lip and shaking his head, A LOT of expressive shrugging, and being okay with his parents insults doesn't seem like Hyunjin to me

Not to mention, he told me he didn't want to be touched even though he was okay with me and Hongjoong earlier in the day

Wooyoung
Alright yup it's back

God damn it

I knew it. It all seemed too drastic. I wonder if he's aware of it. I don't want to ask and then it upsets him. But it's not like I didn't see it happen first hand.

Minho
Do you know if he's okay talking about it or would it just upset him

Wooyoung
Oh he'll definitely be upset

He's always been really embarrassed by it

But I know he trusts you a lot

Just be careful with what you say

Minho
Trust me, I don't have that problem

At least not with Hyunjin. Once I told Wooyoung and Yongbok how I felt about their actions at the hospital, my brother told me a few days later how that may have been the worst thing I've ever said to him. Knowing that I made him as upset as I did put me in my place.

It was finally time for our walk in gym. I told Yeosang to hold back for a few minutes. If he stayed away the whole time, Hyunjin would probably assume he did something wrong. I just need to talk to him.

"Hey, kid, you okay?" I jogged up next to him and gave him a pat on the back. His class got out to the track before mine it seems. I'm not sure how long he's been walking by himself.

"Yeah, I'm okay." He nodded. "It's just been weird coming back." I could tell he was the normal Hyunjin based on his tone of voice alone.

"I don't blame you. Has anyone asked where you were?"

"Apparently everyone knew." He sighed. "I just wanna go home."

"Speaking of, can I ask you something?" He almost made it too easy.

"Sure."

"When you were painting yesterday-"

"Did I do it again?" He interrupted, somehow knowing exactly what I was talking about it.

"Do what?"

"Disassociate I guess you could say." He shrugged, dancing around the full truth.

"Yeah, I guess you could say that."

"Was it bad?"

"No, no, not at all. I was just wondering if this was something you knew about and if so, how long has this been a thing and where it comes from?" I started to ramble, trying to make it sound as nonchalant as possible.

"Yeah, I knew about it. I've been this way since I started doing art at home." I'm assuming that's a long time considering his level of talent. "It started because of my parents so I'm not sure why I would've fallen into it if there's no issue."

This damn kid, I swear.

"Do you think it could just be second nature to you? You're so used to doing it when you're at home. Did you ever do it at Wooyoung's?"

He shook his head. "Which I found weird since I'm doing the same thing that I've always done."

"Maybe it was just the initial shock of being home after a while."

"Yeah, probably." That was convincing enough for him.

I kept eye contact with him as I waved my hand back to signal Yeosang. I didn't tell him why I needed time alone with Hyunjin, but of course he didn't question it.

"Hey, Yeosang." I smiled, glad to see him.

"Sorry, I was in the bathroom." He lied. Mischievous just like the rest of us I see. "Hey, Hyunjin." He waved.

"Hi." Hyunjin greeted.

Hopefully this can turn out to be a peaceful walk amongst the three of us for his first day back.