GROUNDING 🏈 Nick Bosa

#NINETY FIVE.

2 months later.

I thought moving to Florida was going to be a good idea, and in theory it was, but moving on from what I had in California was much harder than I ever expected it to be.

I wasn't sure if I was making any growth. How could I grow when I was deprived of the one thing that made me feel alive?

That one thing was Nick.

—And I was still deep in the trenches of depression over him. I never had to change my number, because he never tried reaching out to me ever again.

It was over, it was officially, over.

Every Saturday night I'd meet up with Dale on the football field. I felt bad for supplying alcohol to him, but I kept telling myself it was better he was here with me drinking then off at some delinquent party. I wasn't proud of myself for getting drunk with a seventeen year old, but I figured we both needed a break from the reality of what we were facing silently everyday.

Dale had secrets I wasn't sure he'd ever tell me, but I knew he was broken just as I was.

In the last two months, I thought I would have explored Miami more, maybe even find a rebound or a fling —or just anything to forget about Nick, but I never did and I didn't even want to think of anyone else. That thought was too painful.

I hardly left the house and the only place I did go when I left was to the high school or to hangout with Dale on Saturday nights on the field.

I had to lie to Mark, and tell him I was going out with friends, I didn't have. I think he was catching onto me by now, though and I knew eventually these nights with Dale would have to end soon.

When I'd run into Mark at home, I could see the concern in his eyes that he had for me, but I tried not to pay attention to it that much. He didn't have to tell me how miserable I looked. I already knew, because I carried the pain of it from the moment I woke up in the morning from the time I fell asleep, that is.. if I could fall asleep nowadays.

*

It was Saturday night, and I was going to meet Dale at the end of our street to walk to the high school together.

As soon as I opened my bedroom door, I see mark standing there with his bawled up fist in the air ready to knock.

"Oh, hey." I say, pushing my hair back away from my face. I was in a hurry, I knew I had about three minutes to meet Dale under the street light.

"Hey." He says, softly. "You going somewhere again tonight?" He questions in a gentle manner.

"Yeah, I'm meeting up with friends." I tell him as I push past into the hallway.

Mark stops me half way to the stairs. "Are you doing okay, Lili?" He asks.

I turn and look at him, knowing damn well, I was about to lie. I knew that he had some type of biological knowledge of knowing I wasn't at all doing alright, but Mark was a very caring man and I didn't want him to worry about me.

"I'm fine." I softly, reply.

"Can I ask you something without you getting angry with me?" He stands still in the hallway and his expression looked troubled with concern.