GROUNDING 🏈 Nick Bosa

#ONE HUNDRED TWENTY EIGHT.

Saying I loved him more than anyone.. was the raw, honest, truth. Was the love I had for him, some type of fairytale?—No. It was painful and messy, and more than anything, confusing. But, I loved him. I knew deep down, within the fibers of my bones that I definitely, loved him.

Maybe, it wasn't what I thought it would be. Maybe, I had too high of expectations. Maybe, we really are just crazy, but when those dark eyes turn and look at me... those goddamn, eyes. He was a force, like no other...

"Are you okay?" He asks, overlooking my appearance. He starts to breath heavier as he takes his eyes off of mine and glues them to something that was coming up from behind me.

I turn to look.

It was Joey, running up the hill.

"Watch out." He says, keeping his eyes locked in on him. He pushes me to the side and takes several steps in front of me.

"I don't want to fight you." Nick yells out, but I could tell he was already preparing himself.

"Too bad." Joey yells back, and as he approaches he immediately shoves Nick in the chest. "Since you want to be all forthcoming, but leave out important details I guess I'll have to tell Lili.."

"Tell her what?" Nick planted his feet solidly, into the ground.

"Halloween night?!" Joey yells into Nicks face.

Zara finally catches up to everyone and joins in.

Nick laughs in a frustrated manner. "Halloween night?!? Ok—Let's fucking talk about Halloween night.."

"I caught them making out." Joey says, to me. "—So who are you really going to believe? That shit wasn't all made up in my head, dude."

Nick starts laughing even more deranged. "I was blacked out drunk. And if you really want the truth out there?—I went to his dorm and he was fucking the girl I had been talking to for fucking months at that point! —So, yeah. I was pissed off and made out with Zara, but I never fucked her. That would have been gross.. she's like my little sister."

"It was like for two seconds, I swear!" Zara, adds awkwardly.

I stare at Nick. Anger flashing across my face. Was it going to be like this forever? I couldn't do forever if it was going to look like this. I was tired, I was beat down to my lowest point. These boys were exhausting.

I start to cry.

"Oh, fucking great!" Nick angrily, yells at Joey. "Look what you did!"

"What I did? You were the one that planned this whole trip to ambush me. Am I not aloud to defend myself?!" Joey argues back.

"Stop." I interject. "—Just stop." I try to contain myself, but it was hard. "I don't care about what happened in the past anymore. I just want to know one thing..."

Everyone became still and quite as they all carefully watch me wipe away a tear from my cheek.

"Seriously, was I a game to you both?" I swallow deeply and stare at Nick. "Did you fuck me that day in the hot tub—because you knew Joey would see it?" My body was shaking.

"No, Liliana." Nick quickly, says. "No, never. This isn't college anymore. I really fucking love you. Liliana, I told you I felt it from the beginning. You were different and sharing you with him..."

"That was a mistake." Joey cuts him off. "It was all just a fucking mistake. And I had to ask myself this question, so many times!" He grips the side of his head, before he paces around for a bit. "Maybe subconsciously, I fucked it all up, because that's what I was use to doing, but I cared about you, I fucking loved you, Liliana." His voice starts to crack and stutter. "I—I still cry about this shit all the time. I'm hurting, too! It wasn't supposed to be like this..."

"So, sharing me with Joey, was some sort of what—peace offering?" I couldn't stop the tears that were coming out of my eyes.

"No, what?!" Nick breaths. "I don't know what the fuck that was. I thought maybe if I saw you fuck him with my own eyes, I'd hate you enough to let you leave, but it didn't work. I don't want to be without you, Liliana!" He was becoming very, emotional himself.

"Zara." Joey says, quietly. "Can you please, go inside for a second."

She pauses a moment and then says. "Yeah—Yeah, of course." She nods with a soft smile and quickly disappears inside.

He waits awhile before he starts to speak again.

"I'm so much worse than you think, Liliana.." Joeys voice completely, falls apart and he starts to cry. "It's true, I am not a good person.."

The lump in my throat grows twice the size and I felt like at any moment I could choke on it.

My eyes finally are able to look at his. "Why, what did you do, Joey?" I ask, calmly, but my heart was racing.

His body was literally shaking, I could see it.

"I told Shanahan." He says, bluntly. "And I had my friend write the hate letter." His voice was so much smaller than himself in this moment. He sheepishly, looks towards the ground.

"No, you didn't..." I breath out in shock and horror.

"You did fucking, what?!" Nick explodes to the left of me, but I wasn't paying much attention to him.

"I did." He confirms. "I—I can explain.."

But before he gets a chance to. I take three large steps towards him and slap him as hard as I possibly could across his face.

He stands there and takes it silently. His head drops low and he continues to stare at the ground. "I deserved that." He says, dimly.

Without second thought or hesitation I slap him again, this time making my own hand violently sting in the process...

I raise my hand again, just ready to slap the hell out of him, until I felt better, but Nick catches my wrist.

"Ok, that's enough, Lili." He says, gently bringing my hand back down.

"I just wanted to fix all the pain." Joey says, in a quite tone.

"You made things fucking, worse!" I scream at him. "What the fuck, is wrong with you?!"

He keeps his eyes down.

"LOOK AT ME!" I yell into his face.

His red, watery, eyes slowly turn up towards mine.

"I want you to stay the hell away from me, do you understand?" I felt extreme rage when I looked into his eyes. "You make me fucking, sick."

"Alright." He says.

I look at Nick and he looks almost, even more broken than Joey at this point. "Let's go, Nick." I tell him, sternly.

He was right about Joey, he was the actual worst and now I knew it.

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