Falling For the Firefighter - Evan Buckley

Chapter 53: Therapy

Kisses

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--Erica's POV--

"I will miss her but I'm so excited to get a full night's sleep," I whisper leaning my head on Buck's shoulder. He puts his arm around me and lets out a tired sigh, "How was your day today?" I ask him as we start walking to the couch.

"Nothing special," he says turning the tv on. I grab the remote and turn off the TV trying not to wince at the pain in my side. The past couple of days since I've talked to Maddie have been nice. But we haven't really talked...it's mostly just Lydia, "The games on," He says trying to get the remote back.

"Buck," I whisper making him look me in the eyes, "this isn't working. I hate this," I tell him as he looks taken aback by my statement, "I hate not being able to come home and talk to my best friend about my day. We are living separate lives next to each other," I tell him as I stare at the way the blanket lays in my lap.

"We are just stuck in a rut right now," he says repeating the same phrase he's been saying for a month.

"No, we aren't," I tell him starting to get frustrated. I stand up and he sits back crossing his arms over his chest, "Buck. You talked with another woman about dying. Why didn't you go to me?" I ask raising my voice.

"Why are you picking a fight right now?" he asks making me want to pull my hair out.

"Cause I'd rather have you mad at me than not think of me at all," I sigh trying not to let tears drop from my eyes, "You," I whisper, "You and Lydia are all I have and I wouldn't give it up for anything," I tell him as he moves closer. He reaches his hand up and wipes away a tear that manages to get out.

"I never wanted to hurt you. I thought I was helping by dealing with it...I didn't want you to think of me dying," He tells me as his arms wrap around me. When the warm feeling of his comfort sinks in I break down. That's all I needed was him. All I'll ever need is him.

"Every time I close my eyes I see you in that bed," I tell him as my voice gives out, "Maybe, we should go on a break," I tell him pushing off his body.

"Absolutely not. We should be planning for our wedding," he says as I look up at the ceiling trying to hold back the rest of my tears, "Let's sit down. We can't have you stressing about this. I love you and I'm not letting you walk out that door thinking I don't," he says looking down at me. I want to tell him I shouldn't be doubting it at all but I just sit next to him on the couch silently, "This," he whispers, "I got this two days ago," he says pulling a velvet box out of his pocket.

I watch as he opens it up and a silver ring with an emerald diamond sits in the middle, "Buck," I whisper as I look to meet his eyes.

"I will never stop loving you. Anytime I'm gone it's spent thinking of you and Lydia. I'm terrified for the future but I know that whenever I'm with you I'm a better version of myself," he says as his hand caresses my thigh.

"Can I trust you? Was that girl really nothing? With your past I can't help thinking about if you miss it," I tell him.

"I promise you nothing happened. It was like therapy without paying for it. The only thing we talked about was dying. She's a counselor for stuff like that," he tells me.

"I know," I whisper putting my head in my hands, "I just...I wish things would go back to how they were," I tell him.

"What do you want me to do?" He asks pulling my hands away from my face. When he sees the endless supply of tears falling from my eyes he pulls me onto his lap. His arms hold me again but this time it feels like he will never let go, "I'll do anything"

"Nothing. I just have to get over it. It's not fair to push your past onto you like that," I tell him as he runs his hand down my hair.

"Have you ever thought of seeing someone?" He asks making me lift my head. I stare at him and he looks nervous before I shake my head.

"My parents don't believe in therapy. Then when I ran away I had no insurance or enough cash to afford it," I tell him.

"Bobby has the connections. I'll talk to him tomorrow and see what we can get set up for you," he says making me start crying again.

"God, I hate you so much," I whisper embracing him, "I'm sorry for freaking out. I didn't realize how insecure I was," I tell him.

"Don't apologize. Life's been kicking our asses recently. Therapy is going to be a good start," he says making us both smile.