When I write my parts to this story I always put the part title last. Because you don't really know the best title until after it's over. And write now me and 'first's title is that. Over. It's the end. I'm over it. And I guess we're over it. Sven and first we're hanging out yesterday and they called me and asked if I had .5, I didn't and we didn't talk again. They next day first was with spikes and first took spikes phone and called me every name in the book. He called me cunt, bitch, whore. And it just proved to me he doesn't want to be with me. He hates me. And I don't want to hurt myself by telling myself it's going to work out. Cause it's not. He will always look for other girls. He will always just use me to get sex. And I'll use sex to get love. But the love won't be real. At one point it was real. Our love was real. We were both so happy. The night of semi. Was our best memory. We danced to love me like you do. And after I went to his house. We drank and we smoked. We kissed and we hugged. And we fell in love. We had to walk home that night. I brought a change if clothes but not shoes. We were all getting ready to leave and I just remembered I had high heels I was looking for first and he brought me a pair of slip ons. And I just smiled. I didn't even have to ask and he just knew. Or I remember when spikes was over and me and first were dating. He tried so hard to get spikes down to his house. Spikes finally agreed and then first ran into the house to see me and get spikes. Not so much to get spikes but to make sure we weren't doing anything. When he saw me he hugged me and kissed me. We went camping once. He was currently talking to a girl name braceface. But camping was perfect. I laid with him all night and everytime I made a slight move, he would wake up and kiss me. Also I drooled.. He doesn't know that though. Which makes me laugh everytime I think about it. I remember him throwing me over his shoulder when he was wrestling with me. I remember when he would pick me up and I'd wrap my legs around him and we'd kiss. Or when he was sitting right in front of me crying cause I didn't know if I'd take him back. Or when he punched the wall cause I wanted spikes to come over, then he apologized cause I was scared. Or when he brought me mac and cheese on the bus. Or when we would be on the phone for hours or have conversation for hours. Or when I told him I was always going to be there cause his birth mom died. Or when I bite his lip. Or October 26, 2012. When I wasn't afraid to fall in love with that boy. I remember I remember it all. The one thing I won't forget was him. I just want to leave. He made me who I am today. He was there when my parents got a divorce. When I moved. When my dad left. When I started cutting. When I ended cutting. He helped me too. He was there when I started smoking. And drinking. He was always there. But seeing his actions the last few weeks. All of the things he's done for me doesn't even matter. It's over. I'm over the memories. And sure I'll take a trip down memory lane, but I won't live there. I would love to live there and continue it with him. But we can't. He'll always go to someone else. We would just never work. Lou said I can't go back and Lou is his best friend. Meghan said I can't go back. Slutbag said I can't. Spikes said I can't. And I can't. I can't hurt myself anymore. I'm done. And I want him to know that. I want him to read this whole thing and remember everything take a good trip back and remember it. And remember that I loved you. I still do. But I can't. I'll learn not to. And summer just started so I can do it. I can't learn not to love. And being able to not see you everyday will help. I won't let him hurt me anymore that I have been hurt. I need to focus on my dad. And making sure he's safe, even if that means I have to leave him. First has no idea what I have been going through, and if he does, he doesn't even ask if I'm okay. And I'm not. I need someone I could rely on like I used to. And he was always that person. But not anymore. He was always the first person I called when I was crying or really happy about something and I wanted him to share that happiness with me. Or when I was crying he has helped me feel better. I'll miss the memories and I'll miss making more. I'll miss him most of all. But I'll get over it. Whatever we had, I'll just call it, 'it'. Because right now, I'm over it.
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SOOOO KP JUST STARTED A BOOK. It's called 'idk.' And her wattpad name is KateBailee. Part one is called "your heart is failing" and if you read her book you'll probably understand KP a lot better. I love it, so you guys will too!! I highly recommend it!! Also leave comments and vote this book if you guys enjoy it and want me to keep adding parts. Let me know!
