Well, he did it again. I said I'd never go back to him and I did. Malik, you did it. Congrats. You broke my heart again. But yanno this last time was different. We were closer then anything, and I know you felt it at one point too. You thought I was stupid at some points and you'd laugh at me. We had some good as laughs together. I'd do something you'd like and I can see you fall in love with me. You showed me off this time, you posted pictures of me and never actually ditched me. You told me I ment more then your dad, and that broke my head alittle. So why are you so distant now, when all I want is you back? Because if I move on again, that's it. You'll always be more then a friend. Always. Yanno I broke up with you to try and focus on myself for once in college. I talked to a guy, well call him funsized. He was nice and we made out. And then that was it. He didn't like me and I didn't like him. And I met someone else and I didn't like him, I tried too, because he looked like malik. But he wasn't him. And I realized I'm not myself without him. He was honestly my number one. I told him everything. But he moved on I guess, he fucked like 3 other people when we broke up. (That I know about) so it's cool. I guess I already learned my mistake from Lou. Don't date your best friends. Or just don't fall in love. Speaking of Lou, haven't even seen him or heard about him in a hot minute. Honestly hope he's doing good. Cause I know I am, besides the casual breakdowns about malik here and there. Even telling my roommate about malik makes me crack a smile. And the things we did together. He was the best at everything. And I never got to tell him that. Today is now thanksgiving. I was sitting at Denny's, and had two tall cans of twisted tea. And I was thinking I would love to get drunk with malik right now. But it's been almost a month of no connection. He tells everyone he hates my guts and he called me every name in the book and destroys me. And now I know what's it's like to be heartbroken, so malik, I'm giving thanks to you. You fucking did it buddy. The girl who loved you the most, you now let slip. But it's cool. No hard feelings. I truly think about him everyday. Hoping he is doing well, cause I know he struggles about it. And honestly, but in college, I'm more distracted. I don't think about him, but when I'm come back home, it's like I fall in love with him all over again. I know he has another girl. He always has moved on faster then most. But apparently he told Livi he wasn't looking for a relationship. And I'm in the same mindset, yet if it was with him, id never let go. Not again. Usually I'd send him this link, but I'm too embarrassed to even say how I feel, and I doubt he'll ever see this. I arrived two days ago, and I stopped for gas at Sunoco. And I thought he was there. I walked in, and started choking up. I started shaking uncontrollably and I thought I might have drop dead right on the spot if it was actually him. If I saw him while I was in I think I would seriously go into shock. I have anxiety now that I am home. I have never felt so choked and suffocated in my life. I asked him if he hated me. He never replied. I'm taking that as a yes. It sucks, cause I thought we were good together. At least for the end of it. And yanno, I made a mistake. I thought it be cool to focus on myself in college and really start planning my future out, without the trouble of focusing on my boyfriend 5 hours away. But after we broke up, he started to panic. He became someone who he isn't, or someone I don't know. He ran away multiple times, and continued to make some serious threats. And granted I've sat in my dorm and skipped some parties to cry. I realized when I came back home and saw him the first time. He is my future. Well he was, before I changed him and completely destroyed who I used to love. It sucks that after all the times he fucks up, I fuck up once, and it's done. Malik, I guess if you read this, I'm sorry for destroying you like that, cause I now have experienced the pain I have caused you, and I understand why you hate me. And I understand why you don't want to be my friend, and I understand why you don't want anything to do with. I do understand. I fucked up, I'll be honest. The thing Liver wants to talk to you about is me. She was going tell you my heart and soul of what I thought of you. And how I really feel and shit, but yanno it's not even worth fighting for. I was told to not fight for someone who isn't willing to fight for you. Peace b.
