It's been 2 weeks since I said something last. And two weeks filled with AJ. And she's my Bestfriend. It feels like me. She recently told me she might be moving like soon. And I'm scared because, I actually like her. Like I love her. She's always there for me and she knows me. She knows when I'm over someone and she knows when I'm not. She knows when I want to skate, she knows when I want a cig. She knows when I'm sad. She knows when I'm happy. She knows all. She can read me better than I can read myself. She knows how to make me feel better, and she knows how to make me happy and forget about these troubles. Troubles of life. Troubles of falling in love. Of being in love, and falling out of love. Of loosing someone you love and of forgiving someone you love. It's hard to trust people ya know? It's hard to give people second chances because you given so many and every single on of those times they let you down. People say a lot of things, they do. And sometimes their lies. "I'm not leaving" "I won't forget you" "you're my Bestfriend". And one day you'll see, they left, they forgot, and their not. Someone else is. And hopefully that person you can trust. I trust AJ. I do. I trust she won't leave me when she moves. I trust she'll remember me forever cause we'll always be together, and I can hope I can still say she's my Bestfriend. When you loose someone you love. You start leaning on people. And hopefully they can pick you up when your down. And hopefully they can make you a better person out of the pain. And that's what she's doing. That's what Lou did and Lauren did that too. And at one point orby did it. But they've all let me down in one way or another. They all left me when I thought they never would. I leaned on Lauren when my parents got a divorce. I leaned on lou when first and I broke up. Or spikes and I. Or my dad troubles. Or going into the hospital. Finding out I got diagnosed with different thing. I leaned on orby when my mom and I fought. Or first and I. And she was the one to get me to admit that I was in love with Lou. She was the first person who saw it. I knew I was for a year before she even thought about it. But she got me to admit it. And she got us into a relationship. And I want to thank her. Because Lou was the best mistake I've ever made. Even though it didn't work, we had some fun time, we've had our bad, and I'm gone in a year. I want to move on. And I guess he does too. I miss him I do. I miss the long conversations we'd have about pigs or dogs or when we'd say good plan stan and good idea Leah. Or even our future plans. To grow old and have a house in Oregon. To be in the same nursing home and race in wheel chairs. It's crazy to think how fast that dream became nothing. Because that's what we are right now. Nothing. People try and tell me to give it time, but how much time do we have?? Time is made up. It doesn't exist. If I leave a year today, I have 365 days left. 180 of those days I'm in school. I have work twice a week at least, I have cheer 3 times a week. I have games. I have competitions. I have homework. I have to sleep. And eat and when is there time to create that bond again. Why would I create that bond again when I'm leaving. I'm actually leaving. And how scary is that. I've never been away from my parents or a place that I know for more than a week. I don't even know what I want to do in college. I love art. I love writing. I love cheer. But I hate school. What job I want to do?? I don't know. I'm scared out of my mind. To be away from AJ and my dog. And my family. It's a scary concept. It's a scary concept knowing that people will leave, and you'll leave too sometimes too. I don't know. You think people care. And they don't. You think people are different and then they show their true colors. Sometime people are two faced. Sometime you got to get over it. And sometimes you're going to need a best friend to do that. This is why I love AJ.
