We didn't talk, just broke up. I feel lost. Currently. Hopefully not forever. It sucks. Trusting someone, then they break you. Again. Cause you've already been broken too many times before. I've never once cried too my parents, but at this time, I had no one else to go too. I feel lost. I went up stairs and crawled into a ball under my step dads arms and cried. More than an hour but a little less then 4. Couldn't breathe. Hyperventilating. Heart pounding out of my chest. And then just repeating over and over again "it's going to be okay." And over the loud sniffs and the cries, I just kept thinking "how?" I lost everyone I've ever loved. Or tried loving. Or cared about. Every damn person, left. Or stopped caring about me, or maybe they never did. There's so many questions. There's so many things I want to say. But I'm not going back to something that hurt me. I've done that too many times. I'm still doing it, with my dad. I fell for the hazel eyes and the smart talk. My Bestfriend, who's now becoming my worst nightmare. Their was a side to him I never knew and never wanted to find out. I'm sick and I'm tired of trying so damn hard for something that never cared or tried for me. I'm broken. I feel like i can't move. And my body is going numb. My heart is into sheds and I'm currently heartless. It's like loosing Lauren, all over again, but worse. Lauren might have been there for me for 10 years, but the last 2 years have been the roughest years of my life. That Lou has been there for me through all of that. Every tiny thing. And it hurts thinking who am I going to call now? When my dad drunk calls me? When my mom screams at me? Who am I going to call when I need my best friend? I don't know. I love AJ. I love her to death, because she's there for me right now while I'm going through, well this. And that was the start of Lou and I's friendship, my breakup with first. But AJ is not Lou. I'll miss him. Possibly everyday. I was just a lady friend. But this kills. I feel like throwing up, because my heart is still somewhere in my throat. My eyes are red and squinted, from crying too much, and my head keeps racing from memory we've ever made. Mostly because I just keep going through our pictures. But know everything that I loved and has been here since the beginning of the book is gone. Time to find the unknown.
