It's going downhill. We were ment to be friends. I feel it. I just feel like it's not going to be the same. I was kinda happy. At one point I just felt like everything was perfect. Cause I had my best friend by my side. And I've been holding on that weight on my chest that I liked him. My family they hated him. They didn't think he was good enough for me. I'm graduating soon. I'm going to go to college. He didn't. I got my license. He doesn't. But I didn't care. I basically left my family for him. I left my mom. I got chased down by my mom. Just to see him. I took risk to see him. I went out of my way to see him. And that's where I felt something. Where we would text each other non stop. Where we would sneak out for 10 minutes just to see each other. Where we'd sit on the road freezing our asses off looking at the stars and just talk. And we didn't want to leave because we haven't seen each other in 2 weeks. I love this kid as a friend. I care so much about him. And now, I'm slowly falling in love with him. As more. But today, I felt used. Unappreciated. Low. Where I felt with first. Miserable. I picked him up, took him to his house. I took him to his bank, then to Hanover then to Wilkes barre then to his house then to the movies then to sheetz and then to his friends. Didn't ask for a dime. I go to sheetz before I go to get him and bought a bunch of things he liked like the Doritos and gummy bears. And then he said something of the lines of you're annoying this is why I didn't want to come. And I got alittle upset because i wanted to have a good time and experience it with my Bestfriend. I used to love the drive ins. I went with Lauren almost every weekend when we were friends. And these are the days I miss her because we'd never fight. We'd always have a great time and nobody would be miserable. And if they were they'd shake it off and get over it. Sometimes I get upset because I just think I'm in this. For the first time yet tonight I felt so bad about myself. And that was being controlled. I was being used. And I got nothing in return. Not even a kiss goodbye or a hand shake or anything. I got a "peace". And I felt like all he wanted to do was be at his friends, and chill there. And that's fine but every day? He couldn't even save a Friday, and be alittle patient. I didn't sit next to him at the drive ins, and it looked like he didn't want to. He didn't wait for me after the bathroom. And it's not even like a girlfriend gesture. It's just a friends gesture. I told everyone he's not the relationship type. And he's not. I felt treated like the way orby treats me. And I don't feel good enough for anyone. I don't think I was ready for a relationship again, cause Again I knew I would get hurt. I knew I'd feel happy and then crushed back down again. I don't like feeling this way or being treated this way. I feel low. Too low where to the point I wanna do something stupid. And for me, that sucks. It's feels like i had my life straight and I worked so damn hard to be happy and I get it taken away. I just thought this time it would be forever. Because when we were friends I knew I liked him. He'd be sleeping and I'd just look at him and thought we'd be like this one day, everyday. I'll wake up to this guys fave everyday. And I was perfectly fine with that. I felt something when he was with another girl. I was hurt when I saw him grab her and not me. And we were just friends, so when he said he liked me. I was shocked. Because I got what I wanted most. But when I say i hope you know I love you and he says okay, I teared up. Because he doesnt. But that's okay. Because you can't force people into that stuff. Sometime you need another broken heart until you find someone who actually loves you too. I'm sorry i wasn't the person you needed. And I'm sorry for anything I've done wrong. I feel him leaving. And now I have no one. We left.
