We're reckless and restless. And we're young and were dumb. I'm in shock. I wanted to see my Bestfriend. And this weekend was the last adventure. I thought I wasn't going to see him ever again. But I did. I literally thought I'm leaving my Bestfriend. But I didn't. We found away. And I have to thank orby. Lou and I found away to see each other without my mom catching us. I'm in shock. I don't know where this is going. How I'm going to get through living with my mom again. I'm in pure shock. I heard her voice on the phone. Everything was blurry but I heard this sentence loud and clear. "Your father didn't tell you?" You're living with me now, your father is thrilled. I didn't think it would last too long. I thought I was going to give up after the second day. But it wasn't me who gave up this time. I fought. And that was my problem. I didn't want to stay here at my dads. The only time I actually had a nice sleep was with Lou. I felt safe. Like life is great. Going out for Angelos and having a breakfast at Denny's was pretty satisfying. Laying on his hand and him just cuffing my ear made me feel like everything is perfect. Like I could die tomorrow and I'd be satisfied. Waking up to him, laughing at him, and then we'll laugh at each other for no reason. He's my Bestfriend. And it took me 14 years to find him, and 16 years to realize it. And first. Sometimes people never changed. I'm going through the same shit the first time around. We hung out. First time in 7 months. And he said hi. And I said hello. He apologized. I accepted. And we made out. Adele was playing. And I hear Adele say "we were sad of getting old it made us restless." And my life flashes before my eyes. His eyes. His curls. My first time. His lip. His hand I never want to let go of. His toes I just want to walk on. The fights we get in I want back, just so I could talk to you again. The brown eyes I miss. The neck kisses. The muscles I feel and then I wanna pass out. The whispers. The singing. The coco butter kisses. The girls. And the girl he loves now. Mole face. The heartbreaking feeling I got when Lou says "man he likes mole face". But the happiness I felt the moment he sat by me in that car. The happiness I felt when he sang to me. Or when he said omg when I bit his lip. Or the taste of salt I felt when kissing him cause he just had fries. His smell, his eyes,his hands, his everything. I never fell out of it. I still love him. I told everyone I was over it. I told myself that more than most. But just looking at his face, it hit me. And I got the message. "I think we should just be friends." And I'm back to where I started. Heartbroken, and now heartless. I hate him.
To first:
I will never be her. Leave me alone. Stop playing with me. And let me live my own adventure. I don't need help. I don't need you. And I don't need a boyfriend. I'm just in love. With u. First.
