"You're never gonna stop" (I'm never going to stop crying) "I guess you really don't want your car" (I want Lou more) "All you do is lie" ( I lie to be happy) I have this Bestfriend. His name is Lou. I can't see him, for multiple reasons; Because he's 18. Because he's made so many mistakes. Because he's been 'Sneaky'. Because of so many reason that I can't even explain. But he's been here. He's the person I wanna tell all my good news too first. He's the person I wanna see when I wake up. And he's the person I hope makes it through life, and shows everyone he's better then everyone thinks he is. Because if it's anyone, he's the one that deserves it. I smile just thinking about him. And the memories we've shared and the times we've almost peed ourselves laughing. The laugh. The laugh that I never have, but only with him. The one the comes from my stomach, and I feel like I have rock hard abs after. The laugh that everyone else adores. But it rarely comes out. But when I'm with Lou, it never stops. And his laugh. The one where it's so loud and he scrunches his nose. I love it, it's contagious. No matter how angry or sad I am, it makes me feel 100% better with his smile. I can't no imagine my life without him. But my family wishes this kid would go away already. (And my happiness I guess) But doesn't that say something about him? He's not giving up on me? He's not leaving me no matter how many times my family has threatened him?? It says a lot about him. Just that. It says a lot that I was always with him when I lived with my dad, because he knew it wasn't safe there, so it would be safer with him. He's been my superhero and came to my rescue multiple times. Through the phone, in person, or over text. He's always 100% there. And I know that. Maybe it might not be right away, but I know he's there. I truly look up to him. He's had a rough life too ya know. But he's trying now. He has a full time job. He has an apartment. He's trying to make himself a bigger and better person. And I like to think I motivate him, like he motivates me. Someone once told me "as long as it makes you happy". And it does. We're not in a relationship. Only a friendship. I don't really see us getting into a relationship either. He's just the bestest friend I've ever had. He's a lot of my happiness, and without him, I feel like a piece of me is missing. Which makes me miserable. It makes me sad. It makes me want to give up. And crash and fall, and burn and just fail. Cause I don't have my other half pushing me to do better. Because I can't live without him. The pretty eyes got me. Never would I have ever thought Lou would be my best friend. And Mom, Step-dad, if I saw the future when I first met him, I would have stayed far away from it. Not because I regret him. Or the a million memories I've had with him, but because of the way my family hates me. I know my mom thinks I'm a disappointment. My dad just wants me to be happy. But My dad doesn't talk to me regularly, so his opinion really doesn't matter, and I know my stepdad thinks I'm the dumbest person alive for choosing Lou as my Bestfriend. But he choose me too. It's also my life, if I screw up, if Lou is really the person I know him as, that's my fault. That's my failure. I know my family is trying to protect me from him, but it's just pushing me away from them. It's my choice how I want to spend the rest of my life. I loved Mac and cheese then, I love it now. I had red hair then, and I have it now. Sure I switched to green bean casserole as my favorite food, and sure I dyed my hair black once. But I always went back. And I will go back to him, every single time. I remember when my stepdad asked me "when's the last time you've laughed." And if anybody only knew what a smile and what a mood I am when I'm with Lou. The best feeling I've ever even experienced is when I'm with Lou. And I wish my family was lucky enough to see how happy my best friend makes me feel. And how beautiful it is to see how much effort he's putting in just to make me smile. He's a guy. I understand. But he's still a human. He's still got arms and legs. A mouth and two eyes. A nose and some toes. And one big fat heart. He's 18. Do you think he's not a person anymore because of his age? Does anyone think it's okay to call someone a scum or a dirtbag or anything, just because of a past?? No. It doesn't even affect him, but it hurts me. Leave the past where it belongs. Thinking that something I'm so happy with, and something I look up too, and something I'm so proud of. And something I show off just because the happiness scale is through the roof, is hated by other I love, hurts me. You shouldn't judge people on the past, or the way they look or the way they talk. Im fighting a battle no one understands. And I feel as if I'm loosing a part of me. I'm sorry Lou. I'm so terribly sorry through everything I've been putting you through. And I'm so sorry, that I'm giving up. And I'm so sorry that you haven't. I'll remember you. I'll remember the walks down to subway, the jello fight. The bucket list (that I hope to accomplish with you when we meet again). Going bowling. Going camping (by far the best night of my life). I'll remember you're hazel eyes like their the back of my hand. I'll remember our plan to live in Oregon and own a zoo in Florida and have a pet pig. I'll remember you curling up to my stomach even though you were so upset at me. I was so uncomfortable but I wouldn't have changed it for the world. I would never change you for the world. I'll remember the inside jokes people think we might be insane if they ever heard them. And other things (Leah, Stan, GROSS., pinky promise, 'that thing that AJ showed me', or that 'thing' first showed you',) I'll never forget my first true friend that took me 14 years to find. But if you love something let it go (I'm basically being forced) and if they love you too they'll come back (I'll see you when I'm 18.) . I will miss you like crazy. and I promise I will see on April 24th 12:00, midnight, 2017. Pinky promise. I won't say goodbye, because goodbye means going away, and going away means forgetting (Peter pan). So it's a I'll see ya later Lou. I'll never forget you. I love you.
