Recently, my friend AJ, had a pregnancy scare. She just got her period today. Thank god. A mom at 15. That could be scary. She said she didn't use protection. Her and her boyfriend are crazy for each other, but they always break up and get back together, then break up. So if they had a baby, that could always be a risk of them breaking up and one of them leaving. Which isn't safe. If I had a scare, I would at least want to know I would have some help. With my baby's father. Would he leave if I kept it? Would he help out? Would he still love me? There so many questions. A small bump on your belly for 9 months. Today my mother said and I quote "just go, nobody wants you here anyways" so I did. Someone close to me and older said that I should delete this book and that it would come back to haunt me. But I'm not going to. It's my life. The whole reason why I wrote this book is because I'm sick of hiding my life. I'm sick of being scared to tell people about my feelings. Cause they matter. They're not something you should ignore. And she's fighting with me saying I mentioned other people's names. Like my mom, or my sister, or dad. I want people to know anonymously. Of course you see my face on my profile but half the people reading this don't know where I live, or where I am. Or who my mom is. Or my dad. It's my life. I'm living it to the fullest and this is what is happening. This person is now calling my life bullshit. And it is, but it's my bullshit. I'm not going to sit her and feel sorry for myself and my life. I'm going to make more memories, do stupid things, and keep living my life. This is all true. If people don't like the true stories about them selves in this book, they shouldn't have done the things they did to me. Everyone had an effect on me. Weather it was slutbag, or kp. Or Meghan. My mom, my dad, sister. Anyone. I'm not deleting it. I'm not being afraid to tell people how I really feel. And if people don't like it, then don't read it. Apparently I shouldn't use people's real names, and for the most part I'm not. Meghan doesn't care. I can't really use a different name for mom and dad and my sister, she's my sister. She's lived this with me. My sister is the biggest bitch you could ever meet. But I still love her. When I was younger, I was so mean to her, but as we got older, our parents got a divorce, I took care of her. When my dad came stumbling home at midnight, I'd had already put my sister to bed. And put fed her. I was 10. I learned how to cook decent meals at 10. I learned how to take care of a 7 year old at 10 year old. I did that until she was 11. I don't think I should hide this. I needed help and nobody said that they were there. The only one who actually showed it was spikes. And physically "first" was there since I was in the 7th grade. Then 10th grade hit and spikes was there. Physically and mentally. He talked to me, he cuddled with me. When me and first broke up, he was there. He was always there. And thanks. He thought this book was fiction. He didn't know the characters. Which means he never really read it. I think he only read 'over it' if anything. I'm glad he doesn't know any of it. I don't wanna make it weird. I wanna mention the person who told me to delete this book.. But she said she doesn't want me dragging my family into it, so I won't. Incase this person is reading this. I haven't been home is weeks. I've gotten some stuff here and there, but I don't want to go home... I'm truthfully afraid. I don't want to live with my mom. Or my dad. All we end up doing is yelling at each other. And I don't want to yell anymore. My voice has to be saved. It has to be saved for something worth speaking for, because simply, my parents aren't. I'm ready for my life to blow up once again, because I'm going to go to therapist, and mental hospitals and it'll be a repeat of the past. Their right.. History repeats itself. I'm ready for people to scream at me, or tell me everything is going to be alright, when it won't be. I'm ready for this person to see me and be disappointed or say I need to talk to someone. I'm ready for the worst, and hoping for the best. I'm just ready. I'm ready. And deep down inside, I'm not ready.
