Ya know, i wish i could be a kid. but i can't. and i don't think anyone knows the real me. I don't think any of my friends knew, that when i was 10 i knew what alcohol was, i knew how it could affect you, and i knew what it could do to a person. I knew because my dad was an alcoholic. Many of nights he came the house at midnight when i stayed up until he got home, and already put my sister to bed. I already fed her, and made she she was showered and ready. And made sure she didn't find out what my dad was doing. I was good at that, for a couple years actually. One day, my dad was heating up something on a plate and he said "here" and i replied " already ate" he was so mad, he slammed it on the glass table and it shattered all over my legs. Every time i hear the sound of glass breaking, it reminds me of that. I grew up with my mom waking my sister and i up at midnight to get out of the house. I grew up not being able to live a normal childhood because i had to take care of my own father and my little sister before i could take care of myself. i'm sick of growing up. I'm only 17, shouldn't i have my last year to just focus on school, and cheer and writing. to go hang out with my friends? Oo friends? AJ. that's it. the only one who said "i'm here for you". She hugged me tight and promised to never let go. when i was about to get arrested she said "it's mine too" and she wasn't going to let me go. i've NEVER had someone do that for me. and frankly, i don't think anyone else would. I've never had a friend run from my mom to come find me. i've never had a friend to run with me and not away from me because they now know what actually goes on in my home life. I've never had an AJ. Instead, i had lou break me down even more. "time to grow up" he says. Time to grow up? I don't think he even knows half of what i went through. Then say he can't stand people. makes me feel 10x better, yanno? cause there is just proof that we're not best friends anymore. and maybe we never will be. and maybe i shouldn't have wasted all my quarters on him at the hospital trying to talk to him. and maybe i should have wanted to be his friend so much. because i thought at one point that we truly needed each other to make it through this cruel nasty world. but i was wrong. i fall for people and see the best in people and they leave when i want them the most. and i fucking wish he would be the same person he was when we were best friends, but i guess i never knew that person. but according to him i need to grow up, and he already did. i'm just a kid. but yea know maybe at 10 i realized what most 10 year olds shouldn't. when kids at 10 had their mom and dad tuck them in, i tucked my sister in and hoped my dad would come home that night. I was afraid to tell my mom what was going on because i was smart enough to know that i would loose my dad if i told my mom. and i still wanted to see my dad. When my dad left a mark on me and children and youth came, i lied because i didn't want to get taken away. When other people asked me what those marks were from i had to lie and say i fell because i didn't want to be taken away. I grew up way too early, so telling me to grow up just hit me. I did fucking grow up. I have a job. I'm going to school. I'm going to graduate. and i am going to college. I am extremely good at what i do, like cheer and art and writing. and i have my license and i have a car. and i did all of these things by myself. so now this one time, i was scared and i didn't know what to do, in all times my "bestfriend" tells me to "grow up" because im scared? Lou, i have no idea who you even are anymore. The last time something like this happened, you were all ears, you were helping me. you were talking to me. You actually teared up. That was when i went to the hospital. Now, it's a okay. now ears. nothing. that kills, cause no matter how much AJ was there for me, and she was there with me and helping me, i wanted to talk to you. im fucked up yanno. cause AJ was the only person trying to help me yesterday. I said i needed to get out of here and she said "the only person who drives is sven but i don't want to see him." she looks right at me sees me a mess, and the bruises on my face and said "i'm calling sven" I barely talked to her, but she was talking to me. She's the bestest friend i could ask for. I can't thank her enough. for being there with me, for taking the blame with me. for backing me up 100%. I can't ever repay her, and she's showed me what a true friend was. So thank you. Thank you for being the only fucking person that has showed me you cared. and messaged me to see if i was okay. and cares enough to text me everyday to see if i am okay. thank you for being to only sun in my life. Thank you for being my bestfriend. and i am the luckiest best friend to have you dude. I'm in shock that you ran out of my house with my mom right there. because you witness me get strangled to the ground. i'm so glad you knew where to find me and that you did. and that you ran up and hugged me and told me exactly where to go. and you stood by my side the whole time. thank you. dude. i love you AJ.
