Everything is the same. Mostly. I'm still in love with 'first'. And he's still not in love with me. And it's okay with me for once. There's not much to love anymore. He's talking to a girl named, llama. He makes her happy, and I think she makes him happy (the one thing I can't do anymore). I still wait to be in that boys life, but I can't wait forever. I've been fooling around with other people, trying to move on, it never works. I always compare it to him, and wish it was him and not them. But it's sadly just not. I read this somewhere.. Do you know when it's raining so hard and you could barely hear anything from inside your car?, then you go under a bridge and everything is silent and peaceful? He was my bridge. When I'm with him I love ever second of it, and there's no place I'd rather be. He left me stranded when I needed him the most, he tore me to pieces and then got mad cause I wasn't whole. And he can't ever tell me he didn't know what he was doing, cause everyone knows exactly what he was doing. Tell me, was it because I am the best thing that he could ever get so in his sick twisted mind he decided that he didn't want me to realize my worth because he thought I would leave him? Was it all just a game to him? A 4 year continuous game? How dare he come in like a tsunami and tear my world apart. How can he possibility have a clear conscious? I can't wait for the day I realize that he isn't worth shit, and stop crying over a boy who isn't worth a tear. I'm unique and hope to think I'm worth it, but guess what? He's never going to find it in anyone else. He had it and now he's losing it. And I fought. I told him everyday I loved him. Every day for week and every week for a month and now every month for a year, and eventually never. When he realizes he lost me, and if he comes crawling back. I'll loose it. I've seen him cry. One time at the bottom of my steps, because I wouldn't take him back. But I did. Now. I wish it'll be like that again. He said a he wants to be friends but how can we be friends when I'm in love with him? We can't. That's the answer. A couple days ago I got birth control put in my left arm for him.. I hate needles and when I walked in I hope he would be there to hold my hand and say everything is fine. And he wasn't. I did it alone, and guess what happened... I passed out. I went forward and I caught myself with my shoulder and my elbow. They are both extremely bruised and now, a couple days later.. Both arms are sore and same with my heart. He heard that I passed out, he never asked if I was okay, or if I needed something or anything. If he passed out and hit his head or anything I would be the first person there. Right before I passed out the light flashed before my eyes. And I dreamt about everything leading up to that very moment. And it was all of him, I don't remember anything before him. And it sucks. Cause I want to know the me before I fell in a bad love. And bad love isn't better than none. So I'll get out of it. If he lets me, cause he ends but asking if I'm okay, and then the lips I enjoy the most will kiss me. But then he'll tell me to screw off. And I'll just say okay. But then he'll ask me for cigs and I'll just say okay. So okay. He's right. Maybe he's teaching me a lesson and not to trust anyone or not to rely on someone so much. And one day I won't. And he'll be trying to rely on me and it can't happen. It won't happen. Cause I may be deeply in love, but I'm also still me. I don't give a shit what he thinks or says, I'm still gonna be here. And it blows because I want to get out of it.
Bad love- Caitlyn Scarlett
All we do- oh wonder
Bullet proof- la roux
