Lou, I want to say how I feel, but at the same time I don't think you care. And there the first thing. I care what you do, and how you feel, and that your okay. But I stopped hearing it. I tell you everything. From I forgot to put socks on this morning, to I missed my tooth brushing my teeth, to my dad screaming at me when he was drunk, to my mom yelling at me to give my sister her charger. I tell you thinks that aren't even important. I feel that you know me. You know how many people I've slept with, you know who I was in love with, you know who was my Bestfriend. And I don't know that about you. I feel like I treat you like your my everything and I feel like you treat me like I'm only an ant on the world, if that. You said you didn't want to be in a relationship and you were better off alone. I didn't want to be in a relationship either, because I knew I'd get hurt again. And I told you I couldn't. I'm not over Meghan. I'm not over my dad, I'm not over spikes leaving and everyone leaving. But what hurts the most was I convinced myself that you weren't going to leave. And you did. I don't know what's going on, I wish I knew, and I could help you. But I don't feel like even a friend to you. I feel like you were hiding things, which made me back off. Stop being me around you. I didn't want to be in a relationship, because i knew one person who could kill me if he could. And that's you. You were the only one who was there through thick and thin. We never fought. That's why I thought we'd be perfect. Inseparable. But it didn't turn out like that. We stopped laughing. And that's what kept us going. When I was upset you used to make me laugh. And I don't know what happened. I have no idea what happened to us, and I loved the way we used to be. When we were friends. But I'm so fucking sorry for ruining this because I wanted it so bad. I wanted an us because I feel like nobody knew me better than you. I guess I was wrong. I wanted to just be with you forever and making it official, I thought it would be better so that nobody else came in between us. I don't know if we could go back to things before, I'm sorry. I wouldn't be able to see you with someone else and happy. Taking the chance that I had but also ruined. Holding you hand, and laughing at your stupid jokes. Something I never did. Sorry for holding you back from other people and doing other things. I'm sorry Lou. I guess this is a goodbye. I'm sorry.
