You make me fall in love with you by the things you do. And a major one is singing. You asked me to be friends, but how can you be friends with someone you want to be with??? You fake it i guess. Yesterday we were sitting in my car outside his house. Listening to music, and he was in the mood to sing. He plays a song that he showed me years ago. Just hold on were going home cover by pia mia. And he was singing it and i was literally on the verge of tears. Like i couldnt handle my life at that moment. Im still home and i leave for college tomorrow, and that moment, i wanted to crash my car into a tree to end my sadness of love for him. I feel bad for him, and i just want him to need me like he used too.
I left for college about about a week ago. All ive been trying to do is get over malik. And let me tell you its not working. All i want to do is just talk to him. I think i was on the phone with him twice since ive been back, and within those 10 minutes i was happy and felt a sigh of relief, cause i felt safe again. My roommate is back with her boyfriend, and in a way, it kind of sucks for me, because now she goes home to see him and i stay back in my dorm, i dont go with her anymore. I see the way her boyfriend treats her and i wish i had that with malik, but when i say i love you, i dont get a reply. When he says hell call me back, it usually means idk when im going to talk to you again. When i say i miss him and im home sick and i just wanna hear his voice, i get no reply. Im on the verge of tears rn but the only person stopping me from crying is laurel my roommate whos sitting across from me and she has no idea how heartbroken and depressed i really am, cause i pull myself together for her. Her boyfriend loves her. Actually truly loves her, and they deserve each other. Laurel can literally give him a bag of shit and he'd appreciate the fuck out of it. He calls her every night, or shell call him every night and for 5 minutes theyll talk and say i love you goodnight. And in the morning hell text her. He gives her the world. And i can barely get a text back. I think its time to move on. Im so devastated and heartbroken, because the one person i love, doesnt say a word to me. I talk about him to laurel almost every hour. We had a nice conversation about him when we were in morgantown. I poured my heart out to her, saying how much i love malik and it was a huge mistake breaking up with him and how he was the best thing that has ever walked on this earth and that if hed take me back id make monthly trips back home. And id make sure id never cheat on him and never let him go because when he walked out of my life, it was like my dad walking out on me and my sister, and that was the most traumatizing thing that we had to go through. But im sick of fighting for someone who doesnt even fight for me. He told me to wait. But then a week earlier he said he does not want to date me. And now, i cant even get a hold of him. I can feel my stomach get ripped into shreds instead of feeling butterflies. And if im breaking this bad of someone, i was told its not worth it, even if he is the love of my life, i cant beat myself up like this anymore. And ive been saying this for the last 3 fucking months, but i think its finally over.. its like to move on, because bad love isnt better then none.
