So. Spikes said sorry. He said sorry. But that could mean so many things. That could mean sorry for leaving you at your hardest point. That could mean sorry for not talking to you. That could mean sorry for loosing you. Or sorry for choosing lil and not you. Or that could mean sorry for being an asshole. That could mean a million things. But he said something. Which meant something. But it's over. I will never become anything with him ever again. I can't trust him. Not anymore. I can't do anything with him. No more knoboels no more fighting about iggy and skrillex no more kissing on my trampoline. No more smashing eggs on his head or going down to the creek. It's over. It was a waste because at the end of the day, I get hurt. I open up to someone and I get stabbed right in the back. I never open up to anyone. I opened up to 4 people in this who world and 2 of them have back stabbed me hard. One of them was spikes. He said yes to one of my friends for semi. And then he talks behind my back, and plays it off like he never did. I opened up to him. I've opened up to first. And that's what also killed me. I got sent to a hospital because I felt like nothing. I felt like dirt that he could just walk on. I tried so hard to just die. And I'm so glad I pushed myself to get the fuck over it. I had whatever fight I had and I stayed alive. I lived. Which is the biggest accomplishment I've ever concurred. I was so low. And I promise I will never feel that low ever again because of someone who made me feel that way. Sometimes I want revenge. Sometimes I wish he got crushed and felt so low about himself too. Sometimes I hope he dies. But I would die alittle inside too. Cause like it or not he made me, me. I'm thankful for him. I'm so happy. I'm happy he's cheated on me. Harassed me. Called me every name in the book. I'm so thankful for that. I'm so thankful for him making me feel like I was once everything, but then the next day nothing at all. Cause bitch I am everything today. I was the best things he's ever had, and he won't realize it until he's older. More mature. And realizes what he's done. Revenge would be nice, but once he's realized what he's done, the guilt might be better. I feel good. The evil witch texted me the other day. And I just laughed. I laughed so hard, cause she's trying to blame what happened on me. Which is not true, but if I was at my low point I would have just piled that upon myself too. I think life is better. I'm always busy and I occasionally hang with my only true friends, Lauren and Lou. And I swear and can't have a better time with anyone else. So thanks making my life better, and picking me up when I'm down. I can honestly say I love you guys.
