The Devils Hair is White | Aonung

.45

3 months later

I'm fine. Actually I'm more than fine. I'm happy and everything is okay. But then, my mind wanders and I end up thinking of Juxco, and suddenly my whole body aches and I wonder if I had been numbing myself so I wouldn't have to feel the pain of missing him this whole time.

I wonder how long I will have to continue to numb myself and I wonder how much longer it will hurt. When will I be able to think of him and feel happy for the memories we shared instead of being sad that he's no longer here.

I've lost many Navi in my life, and it doesn't get better each time. I'll never truly get over their deaths but it does get easier.

With Juxco it's gotten easier. I use to hold my eyes closed every minute to stop any tears from falling.

When my father and brother died my mother and I were on the run. We didn't have time to think about their deaths. When my mother died a war was beginning and I focused my mind on fighting instead of grieving.

I don't want to think about the fact that Juxco is no longer here. About the fact that I can't hear everything that's ever happened on the island from him. So instead of wallowing in sadness I've kept myself busy.

I've trained with the Tsamsiyu and adapted to their style of fighting. Veewa and I swim every day and her speed has increased drastically. My breathing has also improved and I can last much longer under water. But the thing that's taken up most of my time is avoiding Aonung.

I can't be around him.

Every time I see him or someone mentions his name I get this weird feeling in my stomach and feel happy, I can't feel happy. I don't deserve to feel happy.

Whenever I'm walking around the village, trying to take my mind off of Juxco and see Aonung I run the other way before he can see me.

A couple of times he's spotted me and began walking towards me. I've mastered a clever plan to get away from him though.

I run like a lunatic.

"Takara?"

"Hm?" My head whips into the direction of Ronal as she stares at me with a concerned look.

"You cut yourself," She points to my hand.

I was helping Ronal take the scales of fish and get all the meat out in order for it to be cooked. I wasn't paying attention and I cut my hand. It was a small cut. Actually it was really deep and keeps bleeding, the fish I was holding is soaked in blood.

"Oh," I whisper, not even realising I had cut myself.

"Let me get you some help," Ronal pauses, looking around. "Aonung can you come here?!"

Shit

"You know what, I'm fine," I stand up, throwing the bloody fish away from the others.

"No your not, Aonung will help you," Ronal stands up slowly, pausing for a second to hold her stomach.

"Are you okay?" I ask, resting a hand on her shoulder as her face twists in pain.

"Yea," Ronal let's out a shaky breath before standing up straight. "It will be all worth it in the end."

9 months

9 months since we first arrived at Awa'latu. 9 months since I met Juxco, 3 months since Juxco di-

"Hey ma, what did you need?" Aonung asks, standing behind me.

I took my hand off Ronals shoulder, staring at her with wide eyes and mouthing 'no' in hopes she'll understand me.