HER JOURNAL

JANUARY 28, 2024

Tonight's so cold 
The wind whispers a lullaby that makes me want to close my eyes and enter the Dreamland 
But my mind says, "Stay awake"
A compelling thought annoys me - I understand 
I need to rest for tomorrow's a long day
However, I can't just let my soul mourn for it can't throw the sorrows and worries away
The ache disappointment has caused me
Why do I keep a blind eye for the things that hurt me
You'll run to me when you need me
I won't hesitate to lend a hand 'coz I know to help is the thing to do that is easy
I'll give everything I have until I get empty
I always care 'coz I can't sleep thinking that you worry
But why can't you be fair
It's hard to collect all this words and form such line that sounds like hypocrisy
They say if you care and help genuinely - 
You won't ask something in return, honey
I'm well aware of such policy
But sometimes it feels so heavy
I don't often ask and run to you to save me
If I do, that's when I'm drowning and I can't act so brave and merry
You did it before, not once, not twice
No, I won't bother to count it- it's useless, you'll see
You ignored me before when I called you to help me
I was lost but you act like I didn't exist
I screamed for help but you act like you didn't hear me
It happened before yet I'm still stupid enough to call you
Hoping that you changed
But disappointment swallowed me whole
Perhaps I didn't learn my lesson
Mother said don't rely on others - help yourself, be brave and be strong on your own
I opened my door and let down my wall 
But you ruined everything that I owe you and all
Perhaps I was so wrong for letting you in
You pushed the button - 
Now I'll shut my door, 
I'll build my walls high, 
I'll take everything away 
I know your agendas - you asked me when
I'm telling you now- 
It won't be easy for you to get in

Rain