HER JOURNAL

APRIL 12, 2025

When the time is right, God will make it happen. I hope  your emotions wasn't able to defeat you. I hope you waited for His signal before choosing which path to cross. You're walking with Him, right? You know God will guide you so you won't get lost in the midst of your journey. You're not in a hurry, aren't you? You didn't jump on the water without thinking how deep it is. You saw the signs and took the right actions. When He says, "No" you stopped, right? You didn't hurt yourself because you listened.. right?

.. no.. you forgot to be wise?

Emotions makes us human but don't rely on it all the time. Someone can say sorry and you'll feel empathy, you'll forgive them without realizing how easy for them to make an apology without feeling guilty. Why did you believe that kindness is the only key when it's so obvious that they're abusing your loyalty? You've been enchanted by the promise that path had owe you. You walked on it, now you're on a different path without asking God if the promise of that path was true. You thought you know better, you walked alone neglecting His guidance. Now you're bawling 'coz you're lost, you feel scared and alone. You can't think straight, you're lost in your own emotions. You jumped because you thought perhaps someone will save you. But no one did. You saw the signs but you're hardheaded. It's never wrong to hope that things might get better but hoping for a fig tree to bear apple is rather delusional not hopeful. Your heart is tired of getting the same bullets. Your mind never meet peace anymore. Your tears are witnesses that you need to stop burning yourself. Come back to where you're supposed to be.

I used to think you'll always be wise. At 12 years old, decision making is crucial to you. But now? I hate it when you never decide on your own, for once don't tell them "Up to you." Speak up and be there for you. Be patient when it's not the right time. Let go when your hand is already bleeding because of holding on for so long. Kindness is everything but leave a little for yourself because the receiver never knows when to stop asking and receiving. Don't let them tell you what to feel. They can say it's nothing even when the truth is it's crushing you. They can say it's nothing but it's actually hurting you. They can say anything but they've never been in your own shoes. Your feelings are valid too. Just because someone says "it doesn't hurt" you'll question yourself and believe them even though your wound is bleeding and sore. Emotions makes us human but our mind is there for a purpose. Trust few, believe in God and you.

Rain