HER JOURNAL

MARCH 09, 2025

I wonder how many times I told myself "..they hate you" today. I have this toxic trait where I would feel so guilty about doing something and when I stumble upon people and I would notice that their energy is off – I'll feel like they hate me. They hate me for doing this , for doing that, for being like this, for being like that.

Sometimes it's getting ridiculous when I would think they hate me when in fact they don't even think of me. I'm always so interested to know how people see me. I told myself I'll stop pleasing people. But there are times that I just can't help it.

But then, I was able to think about it for a while. Why worry about what they would think of me? Why would I depend my worth and my decisions in life on their opinions and whereabouts when in the first place, they've never been on my own shoes.

I figured out that people tend to think about what others might think of them. No, others are just as busy thinking about themselves the same way that you do. People love to think and worry about what others think of them. The world doesn't revolve around a single person. Guess what, whether you and I are here or not – the planet will just keep on spinning and revolving around the sun.

Instead of worrying, why don't we focus on becoming the better version of ourselves? Why don't we live our life to the fullest? Tomorrow is never promised. We only have one life and if we spend it worrying and playing safe – regrets might hunt us in the end.

I used to think that life is about looking good in front of people. I thought it's about achieving something and being on top. I thought it's having a number of people who likes you. I thought it's having a high status and money. I thought life is about getting mad because problems are in front of me.

But then, one day I just woke up and decided to let go of everything. I'm chasing happiness. I'm embracing failures. I'm powered by the adrenaline and dopamine my body would produce everytime I would take a risk. I used to be scared but I learned that I shouldn't be scared of anything. I only fear God and the rest is nothing because the moment I surrendered my life to Him – I know I'll be fine.

People don't often think of us. We might as well not think about them.. their opinions, especially when it's deemed to put us down. Live your life the way you wanted it to be. I know, at the end of the day we'll all disappear into ashes and no one will ever remember our silly moments or even the good and bad things we've done. Don't lock yourself in a cage, life is good. Choose to be happy.

Rain