HER JOURNAL

APRIL 17, 2024

"I'm so tired"
"I can't do this anymore"
"There's no reason to continue"
"I'm giving up"

How many times did you utter those words? Perhaps for countless times already. I've been there. The truth is I am at the point of my life where I'm doubting 'bout what's waiting for me in the future. 'Coz every single day, from the past weeks, I keep on saying, "I can't do this anymore"

I'll leave the house absentmindedly, my mind is floating somewhere I don't know. My body's weak and tired 'coz I don't have enough sleep. When the sun sets or perhaps the moment, the moon begins to create a glamorous show in the sky, that's when I could reach home. Tired.. I'm so exhausted.

And the cycle continues. Won't have enough rest, will wake up early and will go to school like a zombie. I told myself, "Be more patient, soon enough I'll take care of you. Not now, I need to prioritize studies over my health issues"

Studies? Funny how I say it's my priority, yet, I'm failing on it consecutively. What am I doing then? I just hope and pray to God that he take care of me. 'Coz I really can't do it alone. I'm scared and just suddenly went out of words to comfort me.

Despite of all the struggles, God is still good enough to give me reasons to smile. It could be in a form of good news, wisdom of the day, unexpected winnings, or perhaps people. Those were the reason why I could still smile.

However, why do I feel like everyone hates me and that nobody will take me seriously? I'm liking someone right now. Is it the same as those silly crushes before? I'm afraid, it's not. This one is different, I don't know what he did but I could see him in the future with me — this what I mean, when I said I'm too tired and all yet, I could still find a reason to smile. It's him.

But he's never mine. He'll definitely stay away from me the moment he realizes that I ain't a precious ruby.

Rain