One day, you'll just wake up and realize that you're not a kid anymore. You'll wake up with responsibilities in your hands, a heavy feeling in your chest, and anxiety in your mind.
Back then, I thought I'm not gonna make it at 15. I thought I'll just disappear like a bubble in the air because that's what I wanted. I don't want to grow up. Perhaps, I sensed how miserable and lonely some adults are? Hence, I feared to become like them.
But growth is inevitable, biologically speaking. I hope growth in emotional and mental state are inevitable too. Because some people just don't grow no matter what they face, like a plant that doesn't seem to care how much fertilizer you shower them with.
I'm not scared of looking old. I'm scared of the responsibilities older people are supposed to handle. Perhaps, I'm still doubting myself. I don't know if I can do it. Always wondering if I can even survive the challenges everyday. But I figured out a couple of things, adults can't always do it and it's okay. They don't always survive the challenges, they fail. But it's not the end of the world, everyday is a new day to start again.
I didn't like to grow up because I wasn't certain of what I'm supposed to do. But looking at myself in the mirror, somehow, I could see someone I would have wished to be. I closed my eyes and smiled at myself, I grew up but I still carry the younger me wherever I go. I always tell myself that I need to be the adult that I needed so I must be mindful of my actions and words.
I'm still a kid deep within with a facade of a woman. To my younger self, now I can be your armor. Nobody's gonna hurt you anymore.
Rain
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HER JOURNAL
NonfiksiIt includes real life situations and events. A glimpse of HER thoughts. Contains poems, quotes and prose. Welcome to HER world - a concoction of poetic sentiments and confessions drizzled with grayish clouds of chaos dusted with fragility and ardor.
