Why do people say, "Be yourself"
"Open up"
"Express what you really feel"
.. And then prove you that you better keep everything to yourself.
Do people know that someone is scared to speak up? Do they know how much courage it takes to finally let go of the words you keep on holding back in your mind? Do people realize that there's someone out there having a lot to say but mouth was shut – scared of the consequences. Thinking her words will start a fire, burning everything around her.
They'll tell you not to stay silent. You started to whisper and they say make it louder. When the world finally heard you, they started to argue. Questioning how bold of you to speak your mind and express your heart. They say love yourself but when you actually did, you are told ambitious and nuts.
So when I hear people cheering up someone, I wonder if they really mean it. If someone is downcast, they comfort and cheer them up. But when someone learns how to get up, she's pierced with judgements and questions. Like it's wrong to be okay, like it's wrong to be happy, like it's wrong to do the things that you do.
They say open up and I did. But that's the first and the last – never again. I didn't know that I'll open up just to close and lock everything again. I got too excited to talk about everything – I didn't knew I'm being annoying. I got comfortable sharing my thoughts – I didn't knew I look like "feeling close." I felt so happy sharing what I knew, without knowing it sounded boastful.
So, I'm closing the book and I'm bringing it back to the old shelf where it belongs – where no one can reach – no one can read. It might be lonely keeping all those stories inside but loneliness is her surname – it's never new.
But people told me how can I make a meaningful relationship with people if I won't open up? I replied a laugh. An open book was in front of an illiterate – he says the book is nonsense because he doesn't understand it. I took the book and put in on the shelf, someone interested of reading will find it soon.
They asked, "It's lonely not having someone to talk to, aren't you scared of being alone forever?"
I said, "Just give me a pen, I bleed on paper."
Rain
YOU ARE READING
HER JOURNAL
Non-FictionIt includes real life situations and events. A glimpse of HER thoughts. Contains poems, quotes and prose. Welcome to HER world - a concoction of poetic sentiments and confessions drizzled with grayish clouds of chaos dusted with fragility and ardor.
