Lately, I've been carrying this feeling that's a bit unknown to me. I haven't felt this way since the last time I let myself fall and get so stupidly careless — I told myself I'll never fall again but I did.
It feels surreal everytime the stars would align and smiles would stumble upon me. The fast heartbeating whom I thought I'll never feel unless I'm in a novel or a romantic movie. The hopeful daydreams of him and me — I may not always agree. And I'm not always thinking 'bout the future but this time, I saw him with me.
I told God about him. Every night I'd pray that if he's not gonna last, God will let this feeling slip away. I wonder if God's shaking his head for my prayers is always the same everyday. "If he's not the one, please don't let me fall for him," I'll always say. Sometimes, I'll also tell God that I can't make the move to ignore that guy 'coz I'm too weak and emotional. Hence, if he's no good, I'll let God take over and remove him from my life. But sometimes, God has a funny way to answer my prayers. The last time I checked, October 2023, my prayers was, "God, most of the people I know have someone that adores them. While I was here wondering why nobody even care about my existence. I want to feel loved too." From that sad girl era to trust issues real quick. "God, did you just answer my prayers? If I get it wrong, please remove him from my life. But if he's the right one, thank you"
And it's getting insane. Every single day I'm getting attached like there's no way I can get out of it. This is when everything becomes so enthusiastic or exaggeratedly melancholic. And don't forget the fear developed by existing "what if's." I'm not easily moved but if it's him, it feels like I'm the younger version of myself. He heals the wounds of the younger version of me. The always sad and jealous young lady, she's learning to understand that to smile is the best remedy. And that everyone have their own unique magic, she don't need to be jealous of everyone she sees.
Lately, I thought I just don't have enough sleep and I'm going crazy. Guess what, he becomes part of my prayers. I said, "God please take care of him and his family." That's when I realize this feelings that I have.. I think I'm
Rain
YOU ARE READING
HER JOURNAL
Literatura FaktuIt includes real life situations and events. A glimpse of HER thoughts. Contains poems, quotes and prose. A journal of a girl we'll just call Rain. Isn't it interesting to read someone's journal? She say's, "Sometimes, it's better to let a stranger...
