HER JOURNAL

SEPTEMBER 15, 2025

Honestly, my elementary and highschool days was not quite fun and memorable. Hence, every time I walk inside a school premises – the unhealed child within me would hunt me once more. I'd feel a pinch from somewhere deep within my system. Anxiety would creep in like an uninvited guest. I've grown but stepping on an environment where memories of school days lies – I suddenly feel so weak and helpless – a child trying to hide.

Hiding but wanting to be seen. Sometimes noticed but wanting to disappear. It was the chaotic emotions my fragile heart and mind used to keep inside. Only if I didn't try to carry the world since I was 8. Why did I even become so serious about life where my childhood awaits? Why did I grow up so early? The places that supposed to be a magical childhood memory seems like an abandoned building to me. Being there feels like summoning the younger version of me and all the baggages I used to carry. I've grown now but my heart is still small for my younger self's emotions so heavy.

I don't know what's wrong with me. Perhaps, other people don't have this such pity problem. Good for them because I also find this thing messy. But I don't know why, I don't want to feel this anyway. Yet, past is my shadow and it will never leave me. Now, I realize how experiences creates an impact in the lives of people. It might not be a big deal for others now but soon, everything will make sense. Positive yields positive and negative yields negative. I hope no adults will ever feel lost and scared the moment they come back to places they used to be. I hope no child will ever feel like they don't deserve to be happy.

May we leave happy memories in every places we go. A place someone will always come back to, where genuine smiles, laughs, and a sense of belongingness would grow. A child's mind is a blank slate – may we fill it with beautiful memories they'll forever keep.

Rain