HER JOURNAL

Year 2022

I often tell myself not to get jealous
With people I adore I say, "Self, don't be envious"
Telling myself "It's okay"
You're worth it! Forget dismay

Just a typical girl walkin' on streets
In a valley of painful reality counting my heartbeats
Realizing that life ain't a fairytale
I ain't perfect I often fail

Growing up in a less fortunate family
Taught me how to trust all of the maybe
I never ask for more
What's on the table's all I could I ask for

My innocent eyes saw what struggle is
Silent cries' never a mess
At 8 years old I'd say I'm stress
Tried to cut my wrist  for the first time at least

Tears would fall
As my mother would give me her all
Heart would break
Lookin' at my father sick in bed and in ache

He works day and night
For a one hundred peso bill — that's right
Our life's too hard
My family ask for nothing but passed grades in my school card

Years had pass
Been busy with studies —got distracted by some lass
Noticing that people would always praise her
She's pretty and everyone adores her

I told myself I need to focus
I've got studies that I don't wanna lose
Drowning in anxiety, pressure and jealousy
Made me lose my self I can't find me

Pretty faces, branded clothes, bags and shoes
Made me wonder if it's okay if I choose
I don't need those things, I'm envious
But why do I feel jealous?

I'm silently praying on the corner
Hoping someday I'll enjoy the summer
Hoping for someone who won't look at what I don't have
A loser, am I hard to love?

Although I often hate me
The life I grew up was a mystic journey
Got no regrets being born in this poor family
It's just sad that I complained 'bout it recently

But growing up I realized that I shouldn't give space for envy
I know I've got blessings aplenty
Hence, I always get back on track
'Coz God is always there he got my back

RAIN