Unintentional Subject - Book 1 In The Jessie Series

Chapter 19: Spill, Sister

It took me another day to feel physically recovered to get out of bed. I don't remember what happened the first night. I remember waking up, arms around me tight and a frantic voice, but then...my body and mind picked up on something else, they weren't hurting me, nothing hurt. I knew it was Minho. It was always him.

I remember the feeling of Minho's arms around me, the sound of his heartbeat in my ear and his slow deep voice. I didn't pay attention to what he was saying but the melody of the little lullaby and the rumble in his chest while he sung made my mind slow down.

The second night he lay down in his bed, I dragged myself out of my bed and slid into his without a word. I felt stupid, because I had the teddy bear clutched in my hand. The little girl had been haunting me in my sleep and in the hours I was awake.  I had taken the bear from my bag and held it all day. I had silently cried and begged her forgiveness. I had made a promise to hold her teddy for her. So maybe it was the changing after effects that made me feel sappy. I didn't know what else to do to make up for the terrible things I had done.

So as stupid and broken and vulnerable as I felt, I awkwardly and hesitantly stood by Minho's bed. He said nothing, but opened his arms and I lay my head on his chest. My injured arm had the bear held tightly to my chest. He wrapped me up, a hand going to my very dirty and greasy hair. Before I could ask he started to quietly sing the little lullaby.

I silently scoffed at myself.

Look at you .. the big bad scary trained Assassin acting like a toddler after a scary dream. Standing at the edge of the bed...and they hold you and sing a lullaby, while you hold a teddy bear and try not to cry. You big shucken baby. Grow the shuck up.

But that's the problem wasn't it...I never had the chance to have this as a child. I was whipped and hit and yelled at when I made a noise. Now when I whimper or feel scared someone is there wanting to help.

Maybe now...my inner child, who was hurt so bad, who was not allowed to be a scared child... She was begging to be held and heald.

Minho's deep voice was quiet and soothing. I felt my muscles slowly relaxing. My mind slowly let go of everything. And I was pulled into the dark quiet of sleep.

•×•

Minho told me one more day then I could go back into the maze. We argued this morning. I wanted to just do it anyways, and I almost did. I didn't want to show anymore weakness. I didn't want to be stuck here anymore. I wasn't afraid of the maze the guys were. I wasn't afraid of the Grievers like they were. I wouldn't admit it, but I did still feel exhausted. It was like trying to recover from the worst stomach flu and fever you have ever had.

I raised the clever and slammed it down again. If I wasn't going into the maze, I'd be with Winston in the Bloodhouse. I didn't talk much this week, not like I talked much before, but this week I had been more withdrawn. All morning we had worked in silence.

"So..." Winston started.

"No." I snapped. "I'm not talking about the changing and what I saw."

"Nah...I know that's jacked, Gally doesn't talk either. I was gonna ask you something else."

I stopped my arm mid way back up. Gally had gone through the changing. I forgot. I frowned at the hunk of meat in front of me. Maybe... Maybe he would be someone to talk to... I wonder what he saw.

"Jessie?" Winston called, waving a hand in front of my face.

"Huh? What?" I looked up, I had been lost in thought.