Unintentional Subject - Book 1 In The Jessie Series

Chapter 42: Broken Hearts

I stood staring down at the girl on the med bed. My heart had stopped beating. And it was getting hard to breathe. It was the girl from my dream. It was like looking in the mirror. It was the better me. The prettier me, the better version of me...the me without scars. The one Minho turned to when he saw my scars and the ugliness inside. My eyes burned with hot tears.

They are going to make you suffer...

Ben's harsh words came slamming into my head. Was he predicting the future? Did he know the Designers plans? Make me suffer...as soon as I opened up and gave a boy my heart, soul trust and body a better version is gifted. A cleaner prettier version, probably nicer and sweeter too. I would sit and watch as Minho grew disgusted with me and turned to her.

"So do ya recognize her?" Newt asked.

With a sob caught in my throat, I spun on my heel and fled the room. Down the stairs and down the hall. I opened the door and slid into the room. Winston lifted his head, his shocked eyes went to concern.

"Jessie?"

I was leaning on the door trying not to hyperventilate. Tears were leaking out of my clamped eyelids and running down my face. He got up and came over grabbed my hands and pulled me over to his bed.

I sat down. And slumped. But winced my back hurt so much. Winston frowned again. He gingerly lifted my shirt and then cursed.

"This wasn't cleaned!"

I shook my head. "Shuckfaces aren't allowed to touch me." I whispered.

"What about Min-"

"No." I snapped.

Winston didn't say anything for a moment, "Jess, can I clean it? It's going to get infected."

I sniffed. "Fine."

"I'll be right back."

He got up and left the room. I pulled my knees to my chest, and pressed my forehead into them. It was quiet for a few minutes. Winston and Newt came back into the room.

I glanced up and then turned my head in the opposite direction, staring at the wall. Winston sat back down on his bed behind me.

"Okay. Jess, you know we're both very gay, and won't do it try anything. Shirt off so I can clean this and bandage it."

I didn't argue I was too tired, to hurt and felt too broken at this point to care.

"You two have pretty much seen everything anyways." I muttered.

I pulled the big t shirt I wore after my shower off and held it to my chest. The shower was painful. It stung and burnt and I almost passed out with the pain. And no way I could put a bra on, so I just said shuck it and went without. I sat huddled on the bed. Winston started to gently clean the cut. It was long, and would add another scar. Newt sat down in front of me.

"Okay Love. What else happened in the Maze? You and Minho were all sweet and then now you look like you're ready to rip each other apart."

I stayed quiet. I hissed in pain as Winston cleaned the cut with disinfectant. Newt moved closer.

"Jess...please tell us. We care about you and what's going on."

I kept my face turned away, "It wasn't just a Griever that stalked us..." 

Winston's hands stopped for a moment and he looked up, 'What?"

"Ben." I mumbled.

"He was still alive?" Newt marvelled.

I just nodded. The guys were still, waiting for me to go on. I closed my eyes trying to keep myself together. I was so frustrated with myself. I kept crying and I felt vaunerable and I kept opening up. And I hate it. I hate how I was starting to become emotional and attached, starting to care, a lot.