𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗧𝘂𝗯𝗲𝗿 𝗜𝗺𝗮𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗲𝘀 𝗕𝗼𝗼𝗸 𝗢𝗻𝗲

𑁍𝗦𝗮𝗺 𝗚𝗼𝗹𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗵~𝗘𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗗𝗶𝘀𝗼𝗿𝗱𝗲𝗿𑁍

TW~Eating disorder and purging/vomiting.

Y/N's POV

As I woke up that morning, I felt the familiar pang of anxiety in my chest. I didn't want to get out of bed, didn't want to face the day ahead. Today was a bad day, one of those days where even the thought of food made me feel sick to my stomach. But I had to try and push through it, for myself and Sam.

I slowly got out of bed and made my way to the bathroom to start getting ready for the day. Sam was still fast asleep, the soft sound of his breathing filling the room. He looked so peaceful, so content. I felt a pang of guilt wash over me. I didn't want him to worry about me, didn't want him to see me like this.

But he already knew. Sam had always been there for me, through the highs and the lows of my battle with anorexia. He never judged me, never made me feel ashamed. He was my rock, my anchor in the storm.

I placed a kiss on Sam's cheek and stroked his hair as I got out of bed. I got dressed and tried to ignore the gnawing hunger in my stomach, I couldn't help but feel like I didn't deserve to eat. I didn't deserve to nourish my body, to take care of myself. I felt like a failure, a burden.

I tried to push those thoughts aside as I made my way to the kitchen. I managed to put together a small bowl of cereal, but as I sat at the table, the familiar voice inside my head telling me I didn't deserve to eat started to overwhelm me. I couldn't do it. I couldn't force myself to eat. I pushed the bowl away, tears stinging my eyes.

Just then, I heard Sam tiredly walking into the kitchen. He must have heard me crying. He came over to me, concern etched on his face. "Hey, angel. What's wrong?" he asked softly, wrapping his arms around me from behind.

"I-I just can't do it, Sam. I can't eat," I whispered, feeling the weight of shame settle on my shoulders.

"You need to eat, angel" he said gently, reaching out to take my hand. "I know it's hard, but I'm here for you. You're not alone in this." Sam pushed the bowl of cereal to me, sat down next to be on a bar stool and grabbed my empty hand, giving it a small squeeze. But the overwhelming sense of guilt and shame was too much to bear.

"I'm sorry, Sam." I excused myself and rushed to the bathroom and made myself throw up. I knew it was wrong, and I knew Sam would be disappointed, but the voice inside my head was screaming at me to get rid of the food, telling me how much I didn't deserve to eat. I felt the tears streaming down my face as I tried to compose myself, which resulted in me purging some more.

And then, Sam was there. He grabbed my hands, stopping me from going any further as he knelt behind me, rubbing my back gently as I collapsed into him, the sobs racking my body. He held me close, his lips pressing gentle kisses to my temple, my cheeks, my forehead.

"It's okay, baby. I'm here, I'mnot going anywhere. I love you so much," he whispered, his voice filled with love and compassion. "You don't have to fight this battle alone. Let me help you okay?" I nodded and he kissed my temple.

After a few moments, Sam helped me to my feet and guided me to the living room. He sat me down on the sofa, his eyes filled with worry and compassion, as he kissed my forehead. He quickly got up and grabbed a biscuit from the kitchen and handed it to me, his expression gentle yet firm. I shook my head as I placed it on the coffee table, as Sam gave me a hug. He grabbed the biscuit again and broke it in half.

"Please, angel, try to eat a little bit. For me, and for yourself," he said, his voice filled with pleading. "I'll eat one half, and you eat the other half. We can do this together."

I hesitated, fear and doubt swirling in my mind. But Sam was there, his unwavering support giving me the strength to take a bite. It was hard, so hard, but I managed to eat the half of the biscuit. Sam's eyes lit up with pride and relief as he wrapped me in a hug, pressing kisses to my forehead and cheeks.

"You did so well, sweetheart. I'm so proud of you," he said, his voice filled with admiration. "You're so strong, so brave. I love you more than words can say."

As the day went on, Sam stayed by my side, giving me kisses and cuddles, making sure I was comfortable and not in harms way, which I would be forever grateful for.

As the evening came around, Sam made me a small bowl of soup. I felt my stomach churn at the thought of food, but I knew I had to try. Sam sat beside me, encouraging me every step of the way. I managed to eat half of the soup, tears streaming down my face as I fought against the voices in my head.

"I can't eat anymore Sam, please don't make me eat anymore." I pleaded, as Sam took the bowl away from me, and picked me up, putting me in his lap.

"You're okay, you don't have to  anymore angel, I won't make you." Sam said as he rubbed my back, kissing the top of my head, whilst I cried into his chest.

Night-time eventually came around, and Sam carried me up to bed as I slowly began to calm down from today's events. He placed me on our bed, and he slowly got into the bed with me. I placed my head on his chest, his heartbeat lulling me to sleep, as his whispered sweet nothings into my ear.

"You're amazing angel. You're my warrior," he whispered, his eyes shining with pride, as he kissed my forehead. "I love you more than anything in this world. You're not alone in this fight. I'll always be by your side."