𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗧𝘂𝗯𝗲𝗿 𝗜𝗺𝗮𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗲𝘀 𝗕𝗼𝗼𝗸 𝗢𝗻𝗲

𑁍𝗝𝗼𝗵𝗻𝗻𝗶𝗲 𝗚𝘂𝗶𝗹𝗯𝗲𝗿𝘁~𝗚𝗼𝗻𝗲𑁍

TW~Self harm, suicide, death, bed mental health and sadness.

Y/N's POV

Johnnie was at Jake's house that day, recording a video for his YouTube channel. It was just another ordinary day, and I was left alone in our little sanctuary. I knew I shouldn't be doing this, but the pain inside me felt unbearable. I needed a way to escape, even if it meant leaving Johnnie behind.

I sat on the cold bathroom floor, my heart pounding in my chest as I stared at the razor blade in my trembling hand. The mirror in front of me reflected a girl I barely recognized - hollow eyes, pale skin, and a broken spirit. It had been five long years of battling with myself, and nothing seemed to help. Not therapy, not the mental hospital, and certainly not the love and support of my amazing Johnnie Guilbert.

As I ran my fingers over the sharp edge of the blade, I couldn't help but think about how much Johnnie had done for me. He tried his best to make me feel like the best version of myself, but it felt like an impossible task. My mind was a warzone, and I was losing the battle against my own thoughts.

With a deep breath, I began to slit the delicate skin on my wrists. The sting was intense, but it was also a strange comfort. It was a physical manifestation of the emotional turmoil I'd been carrying for so long. Tears streamed down my face as I continued, each cut a testament to my inner struggle.

As the blood started to flow, I knew I couldn't go on like this. I needed to let Johnnie know how much I loved him, how much I appreciated him, and how sorry I was for the pain I was causing him. I quickly grabbed a piece of paper and a pen, scribbling down a heartfelt note that I hoped would convey everything I couldn't say in person.

My Johnnie,

I'm so sorry I've done this, but I couldn't face these demons any longer. The pain I felt everyday was just unbearable, and I knew I wouldn't be able to survive much longer.

But, you made it that more tolerable and that's why I've been fighting this battle for a lot longer than expected.

This isn't your fault Johnnie, and I really hope that you don't get hung up on me, I don't want that. Move on, and find someone else who isn't a burden, but just please take care of yourself.

Lots of Love,
Your Y/N.

My hands were slippery with blood as I wrote, and the words began to blur. I could feel my strength slipping away, I reached for the bottle of sleeping pills I'd been keeping for this very moment.

Taking eight of them in my hand, I swallowed them down with the little bit of water I could find. My vision started to blur, and my limbs felt heavy as the pills began to take effect. I leaned against the bathtub, feeling the warmth of my blood drip down my skin as I drifted off to sleep.

In the haze of my consciousness, I thought about Johnnie. I knew he would find me eventually.

Johnnie's POV

I was in the middle of recording with Jake when I decided to invite him over to my house. I wanted him to see Y/N again as she hasn't seen him for a while.

"Hey sweetheart, you home?" I called out as we entered the house. There was no answer. "Darling?" I called again, a hint of worry creeping into my voice.

Jake suggested checking downstairs while I headed upstairs. I made my way to the bathroom, a sinking feeling in my stomach. And then I saw her, my love, lying on the floor, arms slit and covered in blood, an empty sleeping pill bottle in her hand.

I dropped to my knees beside her, my hands shaking as I checked for a pulse. It was barely there anymore. Panic set in as I started CPR, tears streaming down my face. "Wake up, sweetheart, please wake up," I pleaded, my voice breaking.

"Johnnie, what's going on?" Jake's voice echoed from downstairs, filled with shock and worry.

"Call an ambulance!" I yelled, my heart pounding in my chest. I continued to perform CPR, refusing to give up on her. I couldn't lose her.

When Jake arrived in the bathroom, his face went pale at the sight before him. He immediately dialed 911, his hands shaking as he spoke to the operator. As he took over CPR, I couldn't tear my eyes away from her. I held Y/N's hand tightly in mine, praying for her to open her eyes.

And then, I noticed a crumpled letter clutched in her other hand. With trembling hands, I picked it up and read the words written on the paper. My heart shattered into a million pieces as I realized the pain she must have been feeling.

The paramedics arrived, breaking through the haze of despair that surrounded me. Jake ran to let them in, while I stayed by Y/N's side, unwilling to let go. I cradled her head in my lap, whispering words of love and begging her to come back to me. I kissed her forehead, as the paramedics came in and unpacked their kit, ready to start more CPR, as Jake sat beside me, giving me a side hug, as I grasped her hand tighter.

But after thirty long minutes of resuscitation attempts, the paramedics had to deliver the devastating news. She was gone. My world came crashing down around me, and I felt like I couldn't breathe.

Jake suggested that I stay at his house for a while, but I needed a moment alone with Y/N. I needed to say goodbye.

I kissed her lips gently, tears streaming down my face. "I love you, my darling. I'll always love you," I whispered, my voice filled with grief.

As I stood up to leave, a single thought rang in my mind: how could I go on without her by my side? But I knew that I had to be strong, for her, for us. I had to be okay, as she would want that for me, I mean it said it in her letter.

I walked out of the bathroom, leaving behind the love of my life, as the paramedics had to put Y/N on a stretcher. Jake saw my sadness and grief, as his expression matched mine, he basicslly just lost someone who was like a sister to him.

Jake made sure that I pqcked some stuff to take with me to his house, as I would stay with him for a while.

I had no idea how we would tell Colby, he was her brother, and he tried to always be there for her during the times where he wasn't filming with Sam. We had to tell Sam too, they grew up together, I didn't know how I was going to be able to tell everyone that she died, but as me and Jake made our way to his car, I made a silent promise to carry her memory with me always.