enchanted

36

Not much happened Saturday, Lucas left before Lacy and Presley came home. Once they did, they forced me to tell them everything that happened with us two. I didn't tell them I love him because he needs to be the first to know.

I went to his house that night and we ordered Olive Garden, Madeline was our server again. She recognized me on the phone.

Now it's Sunday morning, and we are eating breakfast.

Burnt toast.

He's outside on his back porch right now on the phone, pacing around because he always does that while he's calling someone.

I watch him as his lips move, I don't bother to read them though.

Suddenly, he hangs up his phone and shakes his head. Quickly walking inside, he grabs his pack of cigarettes and a lighter and goes back out.

I can feel the look of concern and confusion forming on my face as he leaves, I probably look so foolish just watching this eating burnt toast like i'm at a movie theater.

It's weird how sudden this whole smoking situation is.

I had never seen him smoke for three months, and now i see it constantly.

It makes me question everything.

Then it hits me, how he only smokes to attempt calming him down from an oncoming attack of panic.

Did he not have panic attacks before anytime I was near him?

I'm highly suspicious that something happened to trigger them.

I'll just need to wait for him to give me more information.

I get out of my chair quickly and walk towards the door, just to make sure he's okay.

Be gentle Sydney, don't scare him away.

Slowly I open the sliding door and he turns around with the cigarette in his mouth, not lit yet.

I take it as an opportunity to grab it out of his mouth. Not a very smart decision, kind of invasive of me.

He looks really upset in the aftermath of me taking it and tossing it away from him.

"What the hell?" he talks at me, not something i'm exactly used to.

His dirty blonde hair is blowing backwards due to the wind outside. I notice how his roots are just brown. I couldn't imagine him with all brown hair, he'd look entirely different.

He brings his hand towards the pack to get a new one, i grab it before him and don't allow him to access it. I just don't want him to deal with panic by doing that, it isn't going to help.

"What are you doing? Give me that!" He gets even more stern now. I'd never been one that's sensitive to yelling, but it's hurtful when it's someone you love.

"You don't need these babe, they aren't good for you." i go towards the outside trash and go to throw it out.

"No!" he yells at me and grabs my wrist, i yank him off and throw it away.

I turn around to look at him and he's really angry looking now, I feel a bit bad but i don't want him to get addicted.

His entire face is tight, "What is wrong with you?!"

Why is he yelling at me like that?

"Lucas!"

"No!" he looks rather upset now, I have no idea what's happening right now."

"Baby calm down, come here."

"Don't call me that! Leave!" he screams so loud the whole street can probably hear him.

That hurts.

I guess i'll just leave if he really wants me to.

I walk towards the door of the house, turning around and leaving.

I  pass all the old frames that are hanging.

If he doesn't want me here right now i'm not going to fight him.

As I start heading towards my door, something in my head says stop.

Is walking out really the right thing to do here? What if he needs me?

I need to make sure he's okay.

I decide on walking back in the house, and to the back porch where we were before.

There he is, he looks shocked on the outside. I can know that he's panicked on the inside, although i'm not sure why.

I walk closer to him. Standing there in front of him, i'm close enough to feel his body heat.

His lips start to quiver, our bodies are so intimate right now. So close that I can feel the shakes in his breath.

And all of a sudden he breaks down. Like a moment of realization on his face due to the hurt visible on mine.

What once was anger transformed into a grieving sadness, and now he's allowing me to see that vulnerability.

Crying, he grabs both my wrists, "No, i'm sorry. Please don't leave me."

Tears ricochet off his face and he holds onto me so tight, "Don't leave me, please!" his voice cracks so bad when he cries.

I have no idea what to do right now.

I go to hug him but he just falls to the ground, hyperventilating now.

I fall to the ground with him, i hold on to his waist.

"Don't leave me, i'm sorry."

Tell him you love him.

"Lucas."

He just sniffles.

"I don't want to ever leave you."

"But I just hurt you, I don't deserve you."

"It's okay, you're just panicking a little."

He just gives into me and falls into my arms, so close I can feel his heartbeat.

It feels like our hearts are beating in sync.

Tell him you love him.

"Just say you aren't going to leave me here alone," he mumbles.

I think it's something he really needs to hear right now.

"You don't need to say anything to this, or maybe you don't feel the same way. But I want you to know Lucas that... I love you so much. I just want you to know that i do so so much and I would never leave you because of this. I don't ever want to leave you."

Those words are true. No matter how many times these things happen it's just human emotion and i want to be there for him. Rather he's beaming in happiness with the sun or falling into the pits of darkness, I want to hold his hand during it.

Now I'm crying too.

I can't believe I just said that.

He just holds me even tighter, his cries get louder.

He doesn't even need to say it back to me right now, he probably can't even get a single word out.

"You love me?" He sniffles and looks at me the like a small child discovering something they've always wanted to hear.

"So much."

Here we are sitting on the hard cold ground of his porch, crying and confessing our love. He isn't crying as much, more calmed down.

The wind blows through my hair, he's holding me so tight that i can barely breathe. All the things going on outside don't even matter right now. All that matters is us right now, together sharing this moment.

I kiss him and it feels like something straight from a novel. Like some sort of electricity.

He breaks the kiss, "I really love you too."