enchanted

46

Lucas POV:

I don't want to get out of bed this week. I used two out of my five unexcused absences.

It's Thursday now, and we haven't spoken.

I am not going to school today, I am going to see a doctor. I need a note for why i've been absent.

There's sun everywhere but where i'm standing, my life is shattered and fallen without her here.

I just want her to say it was all a mistake and that she still loves me, but she won't.

I fear she never will.

Today I am going to the doctors because I  did something stupid. Something to my body that I shouldn't have.

So I need help from someone that isn't her.

——
(Wednesday, the day before)

I feel like I can't breathe without her.

I need a cigarette.

It feels weird to say that in my head, I haven't smoked since the day she threw them all away.

But now, she can't be my distraction so I need to smoke a cigarette.

I have an extra pack in my room, in the drawer of my bedside table. She never saw them, and I never thought of them.

I've been clean for so long but I need to use one now.

It burns my throat because it's been awhile, but I like it. It's the least painful thing i've felt in the past few days.

I wish it could've been different.

That was the last cigarette in my pack, and that was the last puff of smoke.

I need something more, I need more distractions.

Like the burner. I'll go get the burner.

The burner is an old memory of my father in my kitchen. It's the one that he'd harm himself with when he was broken, I don't know why I still have it.

I need to use it, maybe it will distract me the way it distracted him. It can be another reason someone said i'm just like my father.

I don't want to be like him.

We were a happy family, me my sisters and mom and dad. Dad was a great man until he overdosed, then he wasn't good anymore. And then he got into issues and he died. And he would hurt himself with the burner and mom found the burner.

What does it feel like? It feels painful but it feels like what I deserve for feeling the way I feel. But at the same time, I feel nothing. Without her I don't feel happy anymore.

The burn is a good pain, and it's all over my upper arm. It's not my fault but it feels like it. Why else would she cheat on me? I was everything I could be for her...