enchanted

50

*Lucas*

I put the flowers on the table and carry her bridal style. She's passed out, I just don't know how long she's been like this.

The doctors is seven minutes away, I place her gently in the car and I drive as fast as I can.

I'm really trying to hold myself from having an entire mental breakdown right now.

I go as quickly as I can, breathing seems difficult to do but it's happening just enough to stay alive.

I was barely just surviving already, but at least she's next to me.

The burns on my arm are a little better, but you can still see them and I still think of the moment over and over.

Stupidity at its finest.

I turn on the radio because it might help me not get lost in my own thoughts.

Taylor Swift.

"And I, chose you, the one, I was dancing with. In New York, no shoes."

Never heard that one before.

I called Lacy from my phone a few minutes ago because she was in my contacts, I thought she'd have her life together a little better than I did.

She's gonna meet me here, and take her inside.

I pull up to the driveway, and I see her in her car.

She jumps out and comes towards me, I unlock the door to grab her.

"You look like you just saw a ghost."

I don't say anything in response, I feel like a ghost sometimes if that makes sense. It doesn't make sense because I don't even understand.

She takes her in her arms, "She'll be fine, just a weak moment. Urgent care takes a while so i'll keep you updated, check your texts."

And with that, she leaves with the entire world in her hands.

When I fell asleep last night, I had the freakiest dream ever. I've always had night terrors that I just lose everything I once had. I was sitting in a tank and everyone I love or have loved was walking around in the giant room. The more crowded it gets, the more water that filled my tank. I drown in it and I hear the ding of an elevator, and her screams. Then I woke up.

———

I've been in this car for forty minutes.

It's not that long of a time but it's still pretty long, so i'm getting pretty anxious.

I unintentionally start to shake and play with my hands.

This hasn't happened in a while, but it's happening now.

A panic attack.

It feels like water is filling my lungs, everything is crowded.

I start looking around, and just the thought of anything stresses me out.

I start hyperventilating.

I need a cigarette.

I unbuckle my seatbelt and it whips across me and i search the car for at least one cigarette and a lighter.

Nothing.

I can't find one.

I sink in the chair, I probably need to learn how to handle these without a higher chance of lung cancer.

It takes me a few minutes to settle down but I do eventually, I check the time on the phone but instead I see a message from Lacy.

Lacy: She's awake. Come inside.

Sent four minutes ago.

Crap.

I can't get anything right.